Hi,
Thanks for all your words of support. Yesterday, I went and got my hair done and even went on a sun bed, just to take away that pale indoor pallor (I hadn't left the house in two weeks) and I met with my husband in a safe environment. He tells me he loves me and he wants to go to anger managementa and also get councelling. He stayed the night and held me. I didn't expect this, I thought he'd be glad I was trying to kill myself but he is not. I know that we've broken the agreement of the non-molestation and occupation order but I really love him and I can only hope that he will go through with the efforts to change.
Today, I have to clean up all the mess from the broken glass and try to get a new side gate (I couldn't deal with that yesterday). I will get a new back door eventually when I can afford it.
I feel stupid for doing what I did but this weekend I have to get ready for my return to work on Monday and stay strong.
I scared myself by how low I felt.
thank you you kind hearted people.
x

He tells me he loves me and he wants to go to anger managementa and also get councelling. He stayed the night and held me. I didn't expect this, I thought he'd be glad I was trying to kill myself but he is not. I know that we've broken the agreement of the non-molestation and occupation order but I really love him and I can only hope that he will go through with the efforts to change.
Smurfy,
I was like you in a previous marriage. I tried to kill myself. I was devastated that my husband wanted to leave me! So, I know the feelings you are experiencing now.
Please don't let your guard down. Sometimes, people we are in relationships with do things to make US feel better...............
Keep your chin up. Yo u WILL feel better.

smurfy1973 wrote:
He tells me he loves me and he wants to go to anger managementa and also get councelling.

Hi smurfy;

I'm glad you're feeling better; and got through the suicide attempt. I just wanted to share something with you, and it may sound like I'm bumming-your-trip. I'm not.

OK: So the relationship is volatile. He's offered to go to anger management and counselling........
and you feel lulled into his (ch)arms again, and feel all is right with the world. And for some it is. But statistics show that abusive, controlling men SAY they are going to do something; and very few actually do anything. (This was told to me by the Domestic Violence Care Team I was assigned to)

I had every excuse in the book; I told the Police: "He phoned the mens group Respect"

Police replied: "I bet he made just one call. I bet he made that call in front of you - so you could overhear his attempt, I bet he didn't actually DO anything, I bet he didn't attend one single meeting"

They were right.

I think you need to stay firm in him getting help, because otherwise you'll continue to live in this volatile situation.

I just wish you better luck than I had.
Sera
x

Hi Smurf

I'm SO glad you're safe and sound - thanks for letting us know. It's good to hear that you've got some support and that your h is being supportive.

Promise us one thing tho - if there are any backward steps (and ther may well be), please try to recognise the warning signs (such as wanting to look for valium on the internet) and let all your wiki friends know how you're feeling before things go so far.

We're all here for you smurf. Look after yourself - the hair do and tan sound like a good start

(((((((((((smurfy)))))))))))))) So glad to hear from you again this am. As said before i am trained to adjudicate dv cases in specialist dv courts, please get some information. When an abuser is convicted we DO NOT send them to anger management. Giving anger management and control techniques to someone who is already controlling is dangerous. There are other courses. If convicted men do IDAP, which is great but this is only available through probation. Speak to refuge and other services and find out what is available in your area but please not anger management unless no other choice and the people running the course have exp of abusers and know he has controlling issues. Please do this as it can be dangerous otherwise.

Please keep him at arms length until he has sought help and continued with it for a while. A leopard can change their spots occasionally but thats a lot of plastic surgery needed to remove the spots!!!

Smurf, you are stronger than you know, we know it now you need to realise it, let us know if you having wobble, we are here for you.

xxx

I cant add much to what has been said. But what a difference a day makes? 24 little hours. From today until your time is up you are going to have lots and lots of good days. Some bad as well but everyone gets those including Aby Titmus or cluadia shiffer. Its life.

But I think before you try and divorce or reconcile you need to be stronger and you need to do what it takes to do that. I would defo go and see yr Dr. Not sure if pills are the answer for you and maybe some counseling to build you up again. But you will need to be strong for whats coming next. Just my 2 pence worth. C

Hiya Smurf

I just compleated 10 weeks of anger management therapy, and yep......i seem to have cracked it. I now know why i get so angry, what triggers it, to recognise the warning signs when i am about to lose it, and if that happens, how to deal with it BUT. As others have said in previous posts, you need to keep him at arms length for a while because.....A} He may just be telling you what you want and need to hear but not actually be doing anything about it. And B} My temper and loss of it actually got a hell of a lot worse in the early stages of treatment, being refered by my G.P was a pretty humilliating experience, even though i asked for it!!!
Still not "fixed" yet, but im well on my way......And i hope in time, your stbx will be in the same ­frame­ of mind that i am right now. Trick is, dont be lulled into thinking "ok, hes getting help, it'll be ok now"....... There are way to many battered wives who had/have that opinion.
Either way hun........i really do think its time to let him do what he must, and for you to have a little "me" time, and whatever the outcome i hope one day you'll be happy with your lot.

All the best

Matt x