Hi Guys, am confused!!

Went to the first mediation session, my STBX and I disclosed our Assets and Liabilities and the mediatior produced a summary for us both. We didn't get as far as expenditure, we are due to do that in the next session. Very convieniently my STBX didn't bring all his past bank statements just the last week, so he now has the last 3 months of mine but I have one week of his!!!! I have asked him to let me have them before the next session to try to speed up things but I don't rate my chances. The mediator said that we now have full disclosure and to seek legal advise.

But, my head is so muddled with this whole situation I'm not sure what advise I need to ask!!

My STBX and I have confirmed that debts on credit cards are our own individual problem - thank god as his credit card bill have quadrupled since he left me!! Knowing this fact about the debts the mediator still included the £10K of debt in the financial summary - is this correct?

Just would like someone to explain what I need to do with this information now I have it.

Thanks

HF30

Not a lot of help just a bit of support ((hug))
You need to make sure no debts are in joint names.
Have it made clear in a consent order that sole debts are not of the marriage and remain the exclusive responsibility of the person who signed for them.

Hi HF30, i'm starting mediation in a few weeks & dont know what to expect so i will be watching your replies here. My stbx has run up massive vredit cards since we seperated too, spent it on his other woman & i'm praying i dont have to foot that bill!!
Wishing you the best of luck in your outcome,
Cindy

Thanks for your support so far, luckily I have no debts in joint names and I have proof of the balances on his credit cards when he left, I'm hoping that this won't become an issue.

I have a feeling that him and his fancy piece are going to try to plead poverty using the credit cards as proof that they are struggling!! I believe/hope that if the debts are caused by the just being extravagant they don't count.

Hoping for a Wikiangel to explain!!

Yes thats my fears too, i understand you feel worried about the credit cards they owe! Best of luck to you, watch for replies here tonight & tomorrow, you should get more,
Cindy

Hi HF30

The situation you describe is correct. The purpose of disclosure is to get everything out in the open and down on paper, so that you know exactly what you've got before you try to divide it (debts or assets) between you.

By recording it does not mean that you agree to take any responsibility for it. Record of balances at time of separation would be enormously helpful if it becomes an issue.

STBX will have to produce his bank statements - whether he likes it or not. He can do it voluntarily through mediation or wait until there is a court hearing and be ordered to do it. It is a bit unbalanced at the moment, but that is only temporary.

Re consulting solicitors. At this point you should be asking them for some indication of what is a fair settlement for you, in your particular circumstances: length of relationship/marriage, children and where they will live, respective incomes, who worked or not during marriage. This is so that you can participate better in any discussion about proposed settlements.

It's also a good idea to go back to your solicitor when you have the bones of an agreement, just to check with them that you have not sold yourself short.

Hope this helps

Good luck.

Thanks for your reply, I'm not totally happy with how the mediation session went, STBX started to threaten me saying that unless I made the next appointment quicker than one month time, he will reduce my maintenance pymts. I did make a fuss and say that I'm not being bullied into anything and the mediator did sort of step in, but he has still reduced the payments anyway! - Lets hope that the next one is a little more constructive.

Can you tell me with regard to assets, STBX has an asset which I believe is worth over £20k, he came up with that amount and I have reluctantly agreed it. He has since emailed me saying that he gave that value under pressure and is seeking valuations to bring to the next meeting. Whilst we were together he always told me that his collection is very hard to value. My concerns are that he will obtain a inaccurate valuation or use a valuer that has a family ­link­ (his mother is in the collectables sector)and use this to obtain a low valuation.

Also, is it possible to negotiate Spousal maintenance at mediation?

Thanks