I will look back over previous threads but my mediation letter came today and i will be ringing on Monday to book my first appointment.

What do I need to prepare in advance, and any tips on what I should do?

my situation
married 10 years
daughter 13 years old to live with me

house worth approx £180,000
Mortgage £25,000
I put the original 9,000 deposit and I want that back

husband has a pension with royal mail although won't disclose to me at this stage the worth. I have a couple of 1-2 year pensions are various part time jobs.

his salary is c£26,000
mine £14,000 part time. not increasing hours at this stage.

I would like 70/30 (yes !) if possible. he is the one who wants out of the marriage.

Any suggestions to ensure I get this or more! would be grateful.

Thanks wikiers in advance
Carrie

Hi Carrie,

I have just started down the mediation path. Our first session was basically about setting out the rules and assessing whether we were suitable for it. We had a twenty minute talk with the mediator together, where she told us how the process works, what's expected of us ie providing a secure environment to talk through our finances and child care arrangements, not to bring personal issues into it. With regard to the finances both parties are expected to provide a full disclosure of all assets, liabilities which are posted on a flip chart and negotiations start from there.

Then we had a short chat with the mediator individually where she asked us what our expectations/concerns where, if we felt safe/able to sort the issues out in this setting and whether there were any other parties involved. This part of it is confidential and will not be passed on to the other party.

Then we were brought back together and in our case she thought it was suitable for us (my interpretation was that we were able to be ­object­ive enough and not get too emotional). We were both handed a mediation pack each which we had to go away and complete for the next session - similar to the Form E, disclosure of finances, sending off for pensions CETVs, investigating potential benefit en­title­ments etc.

From my experience, I think you don't really need to prepare anything for your first session, it's an assessment only.

Hope this helps and good luck.

XXXX

hi carrie,

i went to mediation at start of year, not to different situation as you married ten years and a11year old boy living with me, the first meeting was just me and mediator, asked me about income to see if i had to pay or could be funded checked to see there had been no violence in the marriage and checked details like length of marriage and if i was willing to mediation. then in first joint meeting we were given pack and had it explained to us we went away got all documents together about assets and income etc. we then had a another meeting where this was discussed and wrote on flip chart to see if we agreed everything was dislosed. the next meeting we each head to put forward what we thought was a fair settlement, and then discussed it till we were some where near each other with the mediator just inputing any legal points we may need to consider or if we hit a wall would make suggestions of ways round it.

we reached a point where we both felt resonably happy and were sent back to our solicitor to check the deal and get legal advice and this is where it fell apart her solicitor adviced her to dump mediation and go to court because the deal was waited in my favour at 70/30 due to me bringing up our son and her not paying any cm her solicitor says this does not matter and in court she will get 50/50 which no one else seems to agree with.

hope this helps a bit mark

Hi Carrie, keep me informed how it all goes, i have to go into mediation soon when my decree is through, ive no idea what it entails but reading your replies has helped a little,
Good luck too,
Cindy

got my pack of what i need to prepare. If anyone wants more information about this - please pm me and i will pm back what the pack says.
Thanks

I have been following this thread with interest as I too am facing the prospect of my first mediation appointment and am very curious to hear about other people's experiences of this first, and subsequent, appointments.

I guess what I am looking for is a list of 'do's' and don'ts when it comes to mediation ? For example, How open should I be at the first appointment ? should I be explicit in what I want at this point or should I play it cool, sit back and listen and just see what unfolds ? How open and honest should I be with the mediator or should I be more reserved until I get a better feel of how the procedure is progressing ?

By nature, I am a very open person but I don't want to give away too much too soon (if this makes sense ?) if this could impact upon my eventual financial settlement.

Any comments will be gratefully received.

I registered today - and this is my very first post! I am writing in response to the last post.

You ask about Dos and Don'ts - The whole ­object­ of mediation is to solve a problem and draw the two of you into a sensible agreement. The mediator is neutral and is there to see that one party does not dominate the other and that matters are worked out fairly.

If you don't want to run the risk of an expensive court case at some stage in the future, it is essential that all material assets (and liabilities) are disclosed. So DON'T keep things hidden.

DO be open minded and listen to the other side, which is probably as nervous and as frightened of being stitched up as you are.

Finally, DON'T get cross, start shouting or make angry accusations. There are few things more likely to make the other side dig its heels in or become defensive than a display of temper. In any case, you should find that having a neutral third party present will take a lot of the heat out of the situation.

There are other things that one could suggest, but I am sure you get the general idea.

Good luck. I'm a great believer in mediation and I hope it works well for you.