Thanks for the advice Rasher. I think I will suggest we wait until we have all the financial details so that everything can be sorted out at the same time to avoid delays

Only manage to log in occasionally - but hopefully not too late to be of help.

I suggest you go to mediation when you are ready. You can usually go to the first meeting on your own. Mediator will explain the process to you and will advise you of costs etc if you are not eligible for public funding. They will also let you know what financial information needs to be gathered - by both of you - to enable you to come to agreement on how assets/debts are to be divided. If you see mediator on your own first, ex gets the same deal before you meet together.

Mediation can help you to sort out arrangements for your children, and as Rahser says, it's easier to hear some uncomfortable truths about plans/aspirations (such as shared care) from a third party who is not emotionally involved. Chidren are put first in mediation, so there is definitely no need to wait until arrangements for them are finalised before going along to sort out the finances.

Mediation requires full financial disclosure - including pension CETVs. As does presentation of Form E to the court. There is no getting round it. It can take up to three months to get these, and sometimes armed forces take a bit longer. But there simply isn't an option not to provide a copy.

Most mediation services will also be able to offer child consultation. It involves talking to the children, but only after they have been very carefully prepared about what to expect, and they need to know that they are not being asked to make the decisions (where to live, school etc) that are their parents responsibility.

If mediation works you should end up with a voluntary agreement that is fairly straightforward to have converted into a Consent Order. The mediator will advise you to consult a solicitor about proposed settlement at the appropriate time during mediation.

Mediation agreeements tend to be reached more speedily, with less hassle and last longer than something thrashed out in court. And it wil save you a considerable sum of money compared with the cost of doing it all through solicitors.

If you are looking for a mediation service in your area check out www.nfm.org.uk to find a local not-for-profit service. (We are members, but as I have no idea where you live I'm not touting for business. I just believe in what we do.)

Hope this helps, and if there is anything else don't be afraid to ask.

Hi thanks for the advice. Can I just check one thing - can arrangements for children be sorted out before the finances or does it have to go hand in hand?

It can be done however you choose - that's one of the benefits of mediation, but sorting out arrangements for child/ren generally takes place before the financial stuff. You might like to contact you local mediation service and ask them how they do it.