Hi all

Am about to start mediation with my ex2b, just wondering what other peoples experiences of mediation have been like. Any advice gratefully received.

Autumn

We'll (virtually) hold hands together on this Autumn. My first appointment is Monday morning. I've already had many sleepless nights, but today prepared a 'statement', so I remember all the issues I want to address. (Emotional and financial).
I doubt he'll make either a full, honest financial disclosure, since he's spent the past two months scurrying his finances away, and lieing, and he refuses to recognise my contributions, so I thnk it won't be right for us.

Will report back Monday.

i've just received a letter asking me to get in touch to make my first appointment so would be interested in any thing anyone has to say regarding mediation.

like sera not sure if it will be right thing as my x2b is very self centered and will not agree to anything she feels is not soley in her interest. also she is consistly lieing about things and refuting things she has said and done, and just today has said her solicitor has adviced her she does not have to spend a penny on our son as she earns to little and needs the money to keep her and new bloke who will not work.

One thing I do know: If you REFUSE to mediate, it will be frowned upon by the courts! I feel it's all a bit premature, I've not been given a reason for him wanting a divorce, and I'd rather he went to couples counselling, (and not talk only about the finances first).

I'm hoping they'll deal with the emotional issues also, but not sure yet if they do?

I feel bullied into doing this. I don't feel ready to face it. I wrote telling them so, and I told them I wanted to save my marriage. They phoned me back, and were both very understanding, and used to dealing with porblems like this.

Costs: (FYI) South-East London:

£75.00 each, for initial meeting,

Then charges per person according to income:

Up to £30k = £75.00 per person, per session.

£30-£50k = £105.00 per person, per session.

£50-£75k = £135.00 " " " "

£70-£100k = £165.00 " " " "

Over £100,00 = £195 " " " "

They quote usually three to five sessions.

Found this ­link­ helpful in explaining Mediation.

http://www.mediationindivorce.co.uk/

Mediation - in the process with STBX. Be prepared to take every financial document (motgage / bank / credit card / loan / store car statement, plus a valuation on all your joint or singular possesions, for everything over £500.00 (cars, antiques, special jewelery).

Also you need to think about current and future needs. Housing, utilities, rent, mortgage, kids expenses, personal income etc

Go with a very open mind. You and STBX will have to be together and agree your current and fuuture needs in a fair manner.

If you can reach an agreement financially, this could be ratified by the court when your divorce is made a decree absolute.

Mediation is considerably cheaper than using a solicitor, but relys on your ability to reach a compromise with the STBX.

It is hugely helpful, as it is a non-confrontational ennvironment where sniping is not tolerated - you have to discuss the 'meat and two veg' of where things are going, wihtout the usual bickering.

We are on session 3, with an expectation of rersolution within 4 - 5 appointments.

Hope it helps,

Mike

Thanks guys

Sera, would love to hear how you get on tomorrow, good luck! I go on Wednesday with ex2b who I don't trust as far as I can throw! We have been individually for an assessment. As far as I know they don't deal with the emotional side of things it is purely finances and issues regarding children.

Mike62, is mediation working for you? Does the mediator give you advice about what is financially fair or do you have to decide that between you and ex2b?

Good luck also Markp!

Will let you know how it goes Wednesday, take care all

Autumn