My husband (47) left the marital home in March and is having an affair with a work colleague (31). They are both doctors, I am a part-time teacher who earns much less! We have two children (17 and 14). We have been married for 24 years a jointly own the marital home. He also part owns his private consulting rooms with another colleague. He is renting a very smart flat in a prime location and is moving her into it at Christmas when the lease runs out on her flat.

I have not started divorce proceedings yet, but will do soon I expect. However, I am trying to sort out the finances a little so that I do not have to keep asking him for money when our joint account runs low. I have opened my own separate account and he has agreed to pay the direct debits for bills etc by paying a set amount each month into the joint account, which I would no longer use. I am now in the process of trying to calculate my monthly outgoings so that I can give him a maintenance figure for him to pay into my separate account each month.

Once I have come up with a figure, would this be binding if we then started divorce proceedings? Would it affect my bargining in any way? Do you think it would be more sensible not to do this, but 'muddle along' as I always have, asking for money when I need it, and get a proper financial agreement as part of the divorce settlement? He says he will be honorable - but you never know do you?

I have been seing a solicitor, but my first bill came yesterday for just over £1000!!! I therefore want to use her sparingly if I can.

I do not need advice on what the figure should be for the maintenance, just whether it is sensible to get an interim 'gentlemans' agreement or not?

Thanks xxxxxxxxxxx

Good morning i have sent you a private message with a few ideas.

Dukey

Athlete

Interim does mean in the meantime and by its meaning is not set in stone. I am not expert, but can't see any harm in coming to an arrangement that puts you on a temporary but stable financial footing. However if, for instance you could not manage, you could re-negotiate. You could poiint this out to your stbx.

You sound very sensible to me but remember to factor in winter fuel bills that are coming up. Items that are not monthly, such as holidays, birthday treats, servicing the car etc. What I did was add all these up and dvided by 12 to make monthly payment added to the normal everyday expenses. I know this may be stating the obvious but I would rather do that than not say anything

The fact your stbx is willing to pay and realising that is a useful starting point.

Best wishes

Shelia X

hi athelete,
welcome to wiki.
It does sound as if the breakup is final.I will normally advise to wait before starting divorce proceedings but in your case you have more to gain by starting now than waiting.Once you have petitioned you can apply for AR and maintenance pending suit and your solicitor should have advised you that you can add an element for the legal fees too.As he is a bigger earner he will have to support the house hold till the finance is settled.What ever agreement is made now is not binding and money brings out the worst in a person in divorce so financially you might be at his mercy.But if it is decided by court ,there is no guarantee,like I have found out ,that you will get the money but you can do something about it.
good luck