Just about to sort out finances -no kids, 8 years together, like other women on here, happen to be higher earner & hold more assets,including FMH- but both can afford to support ourselves.

I am terrified of the idea of getting tied to Sp. Maintenance forever & a day!! Also terrified of having to sell FMH as I have worked relentlessly since very young to get this far & X has sat on laurels!

Any ideas on likely scenario? Divorce calculator came out in his favour big-time, but I estimated some entries as not at disclosure stage.

I suspect you're not the only person who has been frightened by the divorce calculator. If only things were that simple.

The fact that you may be the higher earner does not necessarily mean that you have to pay spousal maintenance.

Unfortunately I would need to know much more to be able to give you a better idea :

1. Your respective income, so far as you know them
2. The estimated value of the FMH and the amount of any outstanding mortgage.
3. any disability of either you or your x2b
4. Your other assets, including savings, insurance and in psrticular pensions.

Mike

It is sad, but as a twice hammered male, it is funny to see women suddenly seeing the stupidity of the divorce laws when THEY are the one with income/assets and about to be taken to the cleaners. A simple answer....whether you are male of female, if you have a good job, and assets, dont get married. Ever.

Yes, I am afraid it it certainly true that ladies don't like it any more than their male counterparts. Well, at least I suppose that proves the law does not discriminate.

Mike

I see where you're coming from, but just to stick up for the lasses a bit - they usually make some form of contribution be it financial or raising kids, household jobs, laundry stuff...sound trivial but take HOURS.

I, like many, have done all that (except kids)as well as keeping (and renovating)the roof over our heads & putting the food on the table- whilst X sat on said "laurels" & latterly treated me indescribably badly.

And don't say that's the price of feminism, as I wasn't born when all that lot kicked off!

I would never find it "funny" to see someone else going thru'this - but I agree with one thing you say-I won't be marrying again. Or looking at a man-not even a picture of one!!

can' be that bad. wiki proves it!!! agree that the woman does get involved in the home stuff more as a rule, but not always, but going to work and earning the money plays its role as well. what i don't understand, and i should, is how we can get ourselves into such state where we cannot be reasonable and work at a relationship that we started off happy enough in.

your husband presumably was the 'kept one' as was my wife, but we do have 4 children, only one at home now, but does that mean when she leaves, because she has found another love in her life, and i am left out of any negotiation or choice, and that i have full practical and financial responsibility for the kids because i am in the MH that she should insist that we break all that down as well as the marriage, and the boys have no 'home' they can all come back to?

I'm working on it, she is quite capable of earning, and just needs to get back to putting something in. doesn't do anything for the home anymore. too many bad memories she says, so cannot face it. after 22 years with 4 wonderful boys she adored?! more to with the guilt of leaving it all behind, but perhaps that is just me not seeing her point of view. she has another interest in her life and that always makes it more difficult to negotiate.

as opposed to notagain, i enjoyed my marriage up until it fell apart, can see myself getting there again (taking note of what divorcelawyer has to say about prenups!) and expect i will get on with my wife again in years to come, but it is so sad that she does not have that point of view. as someone who did not earn the money, i suppose she felt the relationship unequal, wasn't prepared to work at it and go out there and make it more equal and preferred to cry on someone else's shoulder. and a willing shoulder it appears to be.

so whats left is to battle it out and divide it all up. i just hope there is enough there between us to do what's best for all, especially the boys, not the warring parents.

terrified indeed!