Hi,

I have been divorced for over 2 years and have a good life now. I have an 8 year old daughter who lives with me and is happy despite all the ups and downs of the past few years.

I have met someone new and my ex is remarried. So what is the problem? My main problem is when I try to arrange weekends and Christmas it always turns into a full scale row. Generally with emails about how dreadful I am.

Generally to cut a long story short he has come on to me plenty of times and only stopped when I told him I had met someone new. He has said some dreadful things to my daughter not lately but in the past and has a very short fuse and she is reluctant to stay long periods with him. However she does seem to enjoy a weekend with him, so we do that in the main. I try to keep the middle ground but find the constant negoiation about Christmas (it also her birthday near Christmas) stressfull and upsetting.

I am at my wits end - she is only 8 how many years do I have to go through this?!!!

It is drags me back to our marriage in which the rows were horrific and although I accept my part in why we broke up I do not have that relationship with my partner now and find it all so needless. I am pretty certain my ex is not going to chnage dramatically but I do hate all the rows and wish we could get on with just being parents. Any suggestions on dealing with him???

Hi

I do feel for you, I am in a similar situation!
I dont think that people can really move on until they let go of the bitterness and stop trying to blame the other person!

He obviously thought that he was in with a chance of getting back with you until he realised that you were with someone else.
My ex is also in a relationship with someone else and the way he still kicks off threating my new boyfriend is beyond embaressment! I dont think his girlfriend knows the half of it.

Marriages break up all the time and it is so important when children are involved that people can put their bitterness aside but sadly some just cant!
My ex shouts and gets abusive in front of my children and I know how this affects them.

I know that we will never be mates ( I didn't like the idiot when I was married to him!! lol) but i think that it says a lot about the man (or woman) that can be big enough to put their petty feelings aside and stop point scoring off the children.
I am quite lucky i guess, in the fact that my ex would rather chew his own arm off than have to have the kids at christmas, but I do know people that have to make compromises over the festive period and also, as it is your daughters birthday also this makes it doubly tricky! . I take it that you want your daughter with you and she wants to be at home?

Hi,

Thanks for your reply. My daughter wants to be with me on Christmas morning and would be happy to see her Dad for half of the day - a good compromise I think but we seemed to get bogged down in the details and it just seems to re run of an old arguement or that is how it feels anyway. Further complicated by the fact he lives 200 miles away so dropping her off requires organisation.

I just feel that he uses it as a stick to beat me with about general things and wonder when it will all end?? Thankfully my boyfriend is the opposite and I agree with you that him being on the scene and very involved in both of our lives is fuelling it all form my ex's prespective. Thankfully when my ex has met my boyfriend he is civil not what you have to contend with!

I don't know - I do wonder if his wife knows what he writes in these emails and what he has said to me in the past. He sent me a pervy text when he was on his honeymoon yuk!! I do pity her really but what can you do? Oh well maybe he will eventually get bored of all of this and go off and be happy and leave me and my daughter in peace.

I do hope your situation resolves - it is good to hear other people going through the same old crap somehow makes you feel better. How long have you been split up from your ex?

I soooo relate to this.

My ex is totally non communicative and is just a wall of silence when dealt with but when it comes to contact completely frustrates it all. If challenged theres a torrent of abuse - exactly like when married !! I cannot believe I'm stuck dealing with this difficult personality for goodness knows how many years.

I'd like to think a new relationship would move it on but from what I've seen I think hes out to make a career of hating me. Why do they have to be so angry all the time?

God - sounds dire also....I would say do not let it put you off meeting other people. I wish I had met my partner first he is so much a better match for me than my previous choice.
He is also very understanding listens to it all etc quite unbelievable.

Well I have decided to leave it now - if he wants to have a good christmas with his daughter it is up to him to make some sensible plans in a calm manner. He is driving his daughter away and i worry what effects this will have in her in the future. I still say getting divorced was the best thing because this arguement would be ongoing daily so I must be thankful for small mercies....hope you are OK?

Able - thats a good statement 'making a career out of hating me' that's exactly how I feel. His life is about making things tough for me, all birthdays, christmas, school events - everything is a nightmare. He will not concentrate on his life with the girls or getting a life for himself.

If I caould find the answer to getting someone to let go of the bitterness and anger I would definately go on Dragons Den