i didnt c it coming. he sold a car
to this women beded her them moved her into his house 2 weeks later. now after about 8 weeks she wants akid to him. already. he already has 3 to me and 2 to another woman he had a affair with yrs ago and ye like a idoit we got bk to gether after yrs didnt think he would do it again.. wot a mug i feel now. im divorcing him now before she gets her feet well under the table. as she waz bieng evicted when he got with her convient hey she sore him coming his own business own house.

Hi totty
Welcome to wiki,
Sorry to hear your story, join the club of the 'mugs' the ones that had no idea. you are not alone so dont get upset with yourself.
I hope his business pays a lot of money with all of those children to support. He needs to learn to control himself and keep his jeans zipped up!!
You can start your own thread with your story, tell us all a bit more see if there is any help you need.
If you are feeling down there is nothing better to get if all off your chest than to put it down in writing on a post.
We are all friendly here and understand how everyone feels about the situation we find ourselves in.
I hope you and your children and being looked after properly by him. Where do you live totty, do I understand he is in the house with his new GF?
If there are any questions you need to ask, just put them on a post, dont be worried about making your own post.
take care
zara

I can't decide if I suspected anything!!

When I found out I confronted him low key and he denied it. I knew 100% but I back-tracked and spent another month thinking it through again before I finally confronted him again, more forcefully the second time. In my heart of hearts I knew I would be where I am now once I confronted him openly, though there were several months of denial/ bargaining where he didnt want to save the marriage but wouldnt tell me that. Cake and eat it situation!

It wasn't the first time. After a while I did mostly forget he had been capable of such hurt; maybe I didn't get out of denial that time. Anyway I had no choice but to give him his opportunities as, like so many on this thread, he frequently worked away.

There were momentary pinpricks of doubt for a year when I might have chosen to look for evidence (and would have found it had I looked). Enough doubt to make me think of setting up my own bank account (which I didnt go ahead with).I knew what I would do if there was ever a repeat betrayal after surviving the first. I think I had to emotionally prepare for the consequences before I could see it for real. Somewhere a line has to be drawn and I really didnt want to have to draw it.The hardest thing was that I just couldnt tell anymore when he was lying. I dont know if he got better at it, or I got disconnected or he was lying to himself as much as me.

Reading this I think it sounds like I knew, yet I will remember the exact moment I found the proof as one of physical shock, nausea, shaking, numbness and disbelief.

I dont know if I will trust again; I cant see a relationship surviving without it.

finding

Hi findingmyself
Horrible isn't it? That feeling of betrayal. I hope that you will be able to trust again, it is like they have taken a great large chunk from our lives.
You take care and keep strong.
I wonder if in quiet moments they ever feel guilty or sad.
No. probably not.
zara

Oh findinmyself and Cindy. Yes you will trust again but this time I think that you will be mre carefull in your choice. Yep I was torn to shreds. I went as low as wondering why anyone would talk to me or want to know me. Those were dark days. Some are still dark and posts on this site show this only to clearly what others are going through. My advice still stands on the original post. Get evidence. Every single shred. I still do 16 months down the line and suddenly another piece pops into place in the jigsaw. If only to prove to myself that it wasn't me. As for the guilt. Well Im not sure. Im told that both sides suffer and from posts I believe this to be true. Its how long you suffer that is the real question. If I can rebuild, get my confidence back to a higher level than before, get off the ADs, actually do things that make me move forward then eventually I will achieve an aim. As they say when at rock bottom the only way is up. If on the other hand the perpetrator went away with the impression that they were at the top the only way is down. At least I am hoping that i can get rid of the 'what ifs' and 'what might have beens'' and look and say what will be then I will have achieved. On the other hand the other side can only look back and say the what ifs. OK so its a good night and tomorow may be Sh** but believe me things do seem to be on the up. And once again I say its only one person out of 6 billion thats done this to you. So thereare loads of GOOD people on this earth. Find one !!! They are there. Polar

I must be very naive, but I always felt he wouldn't have the courage to have sex with anyone else.

We had been virgins together, and he wasn't very confident with women. Although he did have friends that were women.

He always seemed totally engrossed in his football. I once asked him what was better football or sex. He couldn't decide!

We had drifted apart, and I hadn't been happy for a few years, then one night he kept asking where we were going in our relationship, and he didn't stop asking that question until I suggested we part.

So we arranged mediation to sort everything out. He didn't seem all that upset, and then I saw his cell phone, charging in the kitchen overnight, I don't know why I looked, maybe I did suspect something, but it was a shock nonetheless. Not one but two women it seemed.

I didn't confront him, no point as we were divorcing anyway. Until his lies got more brazen, and even the kids noticed he was acting different. He denied it all. Even with proof, he denied it.

Eight months later, he moved the woman into the house and told the kids he'd been seeing her for a year. My daughter says she will never forgive him for lying to them.

(Karma kicks butt... the woman went back to her husband 5 days later... lol)

Hi nettle
Yes, nasty, feelings of betrayal. You never think it will happen to you, you are almost lulled into a false sense of security. For me, I never suspected, not for one minute, just spent the years bringing up the family and getting on with family things. I was oblivious.

I often wonder... what happens if both parties cheat, would it then not matter, neither would know, they both would be too preoccupied with their new love. I wonder what the statistics are for that.

It takes a bit to trust again.

I hope your daughter is ok.
zara