KiB
That is awful, you must be a very patient man!!!
I am not surprised it did not last long, how horrible for you.
Goodness, it just beggars belief
zara

Hi Zara

I too trusted my husband 110%. He works away from home and I never once for a second thought he'd ever do this to me, so I guess he used my trusting nature against me. I've found emails he's sent to her saying all the things he used to say to me, it hurts more than I ever thought it was possible to hurt. He might as well have stabbed me in the heart and twisted the knife, it couldn't possibly have hurt any more and at least the pain would now be over.

I'll never be brave enough or trusting enough to have another relationship. I know what you're thinking, other people have said the same thing. Time is a great healer, blah, blah, blah, and you'll learn to trust again. I know I'll never put myself in that position again, I can't afford to emotionally.

I know I'll be ok though and I will be happy, I've got great friends and supportive family (mine and his!) and of course my beautiful, wonderful doggies who show me more love than he ever did and I know are 100% faithful, not many guarantees in life but the faithfullness and total unequivicable love of a dog is one of them.

Take Care

Mad x

Zara

Your ex hurt you - but you don't have to hurt yourself. Stop torturing yourself. You didn't know because you trusted him. If this makes you more guarded in the future, that's probably a good thing. Don't revisit the past, think about your future.

As for did I suspect?

well, ex and I had been living separate lives for a while. I had suggested we split up - he told me I was unhappy so I should leave, but I pointed out that I had two children I wouldn't leave, and it was clear ex wasn't going to live on his own (he never has).

So he waited till he had someone else to move in with (they are "so compatible"). I was hurt that he didn't tell me, not because I was bothered about his unfaithfulness as I didn't want him any more, but that he couldn't be honest with someone he'd known for 31 years.

He said he was worried about how I would react, so he was just being a coward. In the end I wormed it out of him, otherwise he'd probably still be here!!!

signs - well, he started hanging out with younger men in his rugby team (he's 53). These younger lads were getting married etc so there were several stag dos. He bought a lot of younger clothes and experimented with buying different aftershaves.
I interpreted this as a mid-life worry about hanging onto his lost youth and thought it would pass, and if it meant he was out all weekend that was a weekend of peace for me and the boys. But he was behaving like a bachelor instead of a husband and father.

So now he's gone and people say how do I find it, being a single parent, I've felt like a single parent for a long time now.

I was just hurt that he couldn't do the decent thing and move out before finding someone else. I would then have got the message that he recognised our marriage was over, as well as me.

I don't mourn him, but I do mourn that our 31 years have ended so sadly and miss the man he was. He seemingly went from being happy with me, to being grumpy to "oh I've found someone else" without seemingly any regrets.

Yes I did. I asked her several times, but she denied it time and again, making promises, swearing on our dog's heatlh, etc. I've trusted her twice now, and had that trust destroyed twice. I don't think I should, never mind could, trust her again!

Pyrategirl
I would have made him 'walk the gangplank'


How nasty for you, grrrrr
zara

Hi Zara,
I don't yet know if an affair is what is behind my disintegrating marriage but nothing would surprise me now (though it would damn hurt a lot). Re the 'buying cars' thread... if it makes you feel better, I was the one buying one for him and it was an bleeming Porsche! this a few months after I bought him a business. So there. Affair or not, I am a BIGGER fool than most. You can put a big L on my forehead. Good luck hun. Your man - i.e. a cheater - is not worth being upset over.

Hi Tauro
Cheers, did read your post, and you have a lot to deal with hope that it will sort itself out without too much hurt and burnt up emotion.
I was divorced a few years ago, which is what amazes me, how it still stays, you do 'get over it' in some ways, but it never leaves you. Even though I am happy now, there is always that feeling of being niave. I dont beat myself up for what happened, that was his doing. It is just when I see my son, and hear that his dad does not really bother with him, I saw him yesterday, he is so lovely, and has come through it all so well, I get upset.
Ex is still with GF and his two new little girls!!!! so does not have time for cricket and visits, with his son!!!
I dont know how anyone else feels, but when I on the occasion look through photos, it all feels like it was not me on those photos, just a weird play!!
zara