Hi all,
Sitting in the car yesterday on a long journey, I did what most of us do, THINK !!!!
I dont know why, but I was thinking to myself, why did I not suspect anything. My exH was having an affair for a year!!! I did not have a clue, and even looking back now, I cannot think of one occasion when I would have suspected anything. Was it me being either stupid or too trusting or was it him being a really good actor and liar?
The only thing I can remember, it was the day he left, he was sat in the car park, I went into the shop, when I came out he had moved the car right to the corner of the car park, and was on the phone. He was on holiday, said it was work. I then after the event find out he was on the phone to her telling her that he was leaving me that night!!!
Apart from that I suspected nothing. Cruelty at its best
I think. Can we be too trusting????
zara
:­b­link­­:

p.s. forgot to say that we had been out all day looking for a car for me!!!!!!!

Hi Zara

Yes I did suspect, I confronted him, he denied it, I didn't believe him but told myself that it was just a phase and stupidly thought that if I kept my cool and didn't say anything it would blow over, it didn't!

Spookily though, like you, while he was planning his new life with her and telling her that he'd "never felt like this before" (LIE!!!!!), and that he was leaving me he bought me a new car!??!

I've recently decided that 'thinking' is a bad idea so have stopped. Wasn't that hard, which is a bit of a worry! It's much overrated anyway.

Mad xx

Zara,

I was very much like you. The affair was going on for 12 months and I did not suspect. I knew something was wrong because of the way he was behaving but he just said it was pressure of work and he felt depressed. He worked away from home a lot and that became more frequent, he was meeting up with gf. He had three mobile phones at one point, even then I didn't think anything, how stupid was I.

Only now do I realise I missed so many signs, even when he received a text from gf I believed the silly excuse he came up with. I refused to accept that the person I loved with my life could lie and betray me.

Yes Zara it is cruel and it has left me with trust issues that I know I have to overcome but hopefully in time I will.

Poppie

my marriage was long over....even so i was surprised that hed found another woman instead of asking for a divorce...ive started that ball rolling now ooo hes so cross..how did i know about the other women......well he started using male grooming products...moisturizer is for poofs was his delightful turn of phrase when i suggested it might improve his skin.......changed from briefs to boxers...didnt he think id notice as i did the washing....i kept finding hairs in the bath after hed used it..he was shaving his intimate bits..lol....finding condoms...phone bills with unknown numbers dialled whenever i was at work....i wonder what id of found if id really looked...i can be flippant because as i say there was no love between us anymore and this was all i needed to take that final step and divorce him

Hi to you all x
I suppose it was easier for my ex he was working with the girl he 'ran off' with.
It is the trust issue, I just feel that I trusted him too much and gave him the piece of elastic that he needed.
Had I been suspicious at the time I might have been able to address it. He was just so clever, and I was so accepting of all he did.
Once he had left, I was going through his stuff in the office that he did not want and said to bin, I found a birthday card from all his work colleagues, the girl that he had run away with, had written, I am taking French lessons if you need any oral? I know I read this card at the time he received it 9 months earlier, but it never registered. Now I LOOK for things like that and do not trust much at face value, I have to dig a bit deeper, and I hate that feeling, but it will never change, not now, he has scarred me emotionally forever.
It is the trail of damage it all leaves behind.

zara

Did I suspect anything ?... tough question...

There was the one time that my ex-wife went out on a night out whilst I stayed at home looking after our two kids...she was too drunk to put her key into the front door lock so rang the bell at 3am.

I answered door and there she was standing just in her bra with jeans unbuttoned with a teenage lad standing behind her with his arms around her.

'You don't mind if we come in' she slurred... he added 'Who the f#@k is that, you told me that you were single'....

I jumped in and replied 'she may as well be she tries to lead a single life'. 'yeah come in but don't wake the kids'..

I went back to bed. Half hour later I came downstairs and found all of their clothes scattered around the lounge with them having moved to a bedroom.

Call me nasty but I picked up her bra and went outside and hung it on her car aerial on the driveway for all the neighbours to see....

He wasn't there when I got up in the morning...

We didn't last long after that....

Mike