Hello Fleur, thank you so much for your post & for sharing your life with me, i really appreciate it. I am still in a quandry over this widow as he has rung me daily whilst on holiday with his grown-up kids, he keeps telling me he has missed me and cant wait to get home Sunday to come see me. I do feel its too soon for both of us to be starting a close relationship, he being a widow and admitting he still clear his wifes things away, and me going through divorce and still not severing contact with my stbx. I think we are both confused & lonely and should just be there to talk, listen, share a coffee or a drink and try to help each other through bad times. I do need to talk to him again when he comes back & put it straight with him.
You've been through a lot the last 3 years, my heart goes out to you in your losses, again I can relate to you as i lost my younger brother suddenly 2 years ago & my father just 18 days after him, i felt like i'd been hit by a bus! Then my best friend of 32 years got cancer but survived it, thank God, but her son, only 27 yrs old developed stomach cancer at the same time & died from it last year, it was a terrible time, i thought the world of her son.
Its sad that you dont talk to your sister, surely she understands you were just trying to find happiness & needed to make your own mistakes, if need be? Maybe in time you can heal the rift between you as life is so short isn't it?
I do feel you can do much better than your ex, and i'm sure that you will in time, after you've healed and gained your self-worth back.
Many thanks again Fleur & i'll keep you updated as to how it all goes with my widow-friend. PS If i could send you a lovely man friend I would!!!!
Take care,
Cindy

Hi cindygirl,

You have been through the mill, what a terrible time for you and your friend. To lose a child must be the worst thing in the world.How does a person ever recover. Old friends of mine recently lost both their girls 21 and 19 in a car accident, killed in the car that the parents had bought for their eldest's 21st.

You sound like such a lovely person it's no wonder your widower friend is so smitten. It's difficult for you because if he is still grieving and vulnerable then I'll bet you don't want to reject him and cause him more pain. If nothing else think how much you have given him already, something to look forward to after his holidays. He really does sound lovely, to have loved somebody the way he loved his wife and now possibly you he must be a lovely person.
Could be your soul mate. I do hope so.Enjoy yourself today. Keep us informed of progress.

Lol
XXX Fleur XXX

Lol

cindygirl wrote:
Sera, I'm so sorry to hear that it didnt work out for you. I know widows must find it hard to accept a new woman in their life

It is nice to see the forming of new friendships on this Forum; especially where two women can console each other; in a similar position.

I just wanted to share the following from another Wiki user; who has shown a lot of friendship, help and compassion for me and my situation.

I too met my Soul mate. He was a widower at forty-three; and we struggled because her friends often made our bright, shiney, happy new marriage seem a betrayal of her memory.

We were newlyweds and very much looking forward to moving on, selling the house they’d shared etc. However, once I became his wife, he brought all the negativity of his past into our place, and for reasons I don’t understand he ended our marriage, and wants to stay in his past. He can never be free to be married to a new wife, whilst he is still tied to his past.
This is what my friend made of our situation:


Sera; I dont know now if she is possessing him in the physical way, but she is possessing his thoughts. He saw her death as a release, and it was, then he met you. Everything was brilliant. He then started feeling incredible guilt at his thoughts, he would if he could apologise to her for them but he can’t. So punishes himself with trying to keep her memory alive. Needs some strong counselling on this.

You are a totally different person to her and he found it hard to adjust. He is imprisoned with his thoughts and chooses to stay in the house as an apology to her.

Although, I am still of the opinion that she did something, he has not, and cannot tell you, it was just easier to wipe you out of his life than admit to you why he could not sell the house. So she does have a hold over him, but I think he instigates this. makes himself a prisoner. It is in a nightmare, and as it says nightmares are not real. He has to get himself out of this some way. He has GOT to absolve himself of this guilt before he can move on.

It is harder for him to sever ties with a dead woman than a live one, that needs therapy.


Cindy,
Despite that your widower friend may be a great person, or could be your soul-mate; he is sounding like he’s desperately trying to fill a void. You must let him adapt to seeing you for yourself; and accepting the differences. I’d suggest keeping your new relationship away from ‘their’ friends for now; and preferably not conduct it in the same space he shared with his late wife.
Good luck
Sera
x