Hi,

I presume we are all in a similar position on this site. I have been with my (now)wife for 12 years (though I'm only 30). My wife is a few years older than me and had 2 kids before I met her. We ahve since had 3 children.

The quick answer as to why I believe we will be splitting soon is:

She spends all her spare time on her computer.

She doesn't do anything around the house(and I mean nothing)

She is constantly checking my phone and questioning anyhting I do.

She shows me no attention at all.

The above may seem trivial in 'bullet points' but they add up to a lot on a daily basis. I became the 'house husband' 2 years ago as we had proplems with our teenager and my wife couldn't cope with her. I had to give up work and slowly my wife got better, studied hard and got bck in to work. I always said that being a house wife was not easy but my wife made it seem a lot harder than it was. I helped out a lot around the house plus doing the usual 'man' jobs ie gardening, diy etc. Since I have taken over the house hold things my wife will not wash, washup, cook, iron etc even when on holiday from work(she works in a school). You may think that this sounds like a typical male sat on his a**e not lifting a finger. But the problem I've got is that I've had it in the neck before. After I've finished work, if I went to do 'mannly' thing like fit a loft floor, I've come down at 19:30 and had a row because I shouldn't expect my wife to feed the kids as I'm here.

My wife is the self confessed lazziest person in the world. She is scared of me leaving her. I came close a few months ago and I said that the main problems were her sat on the computer not saying anything, and not doing anything around the house. She seems to be even worse since this was said.

This is only the tip of the iceberg and I hope to get a lot more off my chest and hopefully get some advice. If I need to put this in another section then I will do. But anyway......Hi.....

I sympathise with you.I think you should sit down and talk to her when everything is calm at home,most probably when everything is quiet and the children are occupied.It is no good telling her what she is lacking in during an argument.Plan what you are going to tell her ,make a list ,then she will see how important it is to your relationship.be straight to the points,ask her not to interupt you when you are talking- what you want change,how you expect her to help.You put your point and then give her the opportunity to talk ,do not interrupt her.Both of you decide how you are going to achieve these goals.set a time to review the situation and discuss what the alternative would be if there is no improvement.
good luck

I agree with Marria. You have to sit her down and tell her how you feel. You have become a doormat mate. If you need to drag her along to relate and thrash it out there. Otherwise you are just being used. A relationship is supposed to be 2 way. You are both supposed to contribute. Do it today mate. C

craggle wrote:
Hi,

I presume we are all in a similar position on this site. I have been with my (now)wife for 12 years (though I'm only 30). My wife is a few years older than me and had 2 kids before I met her. We ahve since had 3 children.

The quick answer as to why I believe we will be splitting soon is:

She spends all her spare time on her computer.

She doesn't do anything around the house(and I mean nothing)

She is constantly checking my phone and questioning anyhting I do.

She shows me no attention at all.

The above may seem trivial in 'bullet points' but they add up to a lot on a daily basis. I became the 'house husband' 2 years ago as we had proplems with our teenager and my wife couldn't cope with her. I had to give up work and slowly my wife got better, studied hard and got bck in to work. I always said that being a house wife was not easy but my wife made it seem a lot harder than it was. I helped out a lot around the house plus doing the usual 'man' jobs ie gardening, diy etc. Since I have taken over the house hold things my wife will not wash, washup, cook, iron etc even when on holiday from work(she works in a school). You may think that this sounds like a typical male sat on his a**e not lifting a finger. But the problem I've got is that I've had it in the neck before. After I've finished work, if I went to do 'mannly' thing like fit a loft floor, I've come down at 19:30 and had a row because I shouldn't expect my wife to feed the kids as I'm here.

My wife is the self confessed lazziest person in the world. She is scared of me leaving her. I came close a few months ago and I said that the main problems were her sat on the computer not saying anything, and not doing anything around the house. She seems to be even worse since this was said.

This is only the tip of the iceberg and I hope to get a lot more off my chest and hopefully get some advice. If I need to put this in another section then I will do. But anyway......Hi.....

Sounds like no kind of life for you but take it from someone who knows, shes depressed......

Thanks for your replies. I know I should sit down and talk to my wife about how I'm feeling but the way I'm feeling now I'd probably walk out if we had a slanging match. I talked to her a few months ago about how little she was doing but nothing changed.

The point raised about being depressed could be a valid one. My wife has suffered from post natal depression before and it was one of the main factors in me giving up work. However, my wife has always tried to do a little a possible. When she was a house wife we all helped out and my wife would have all the kids running around for her. Even now she always gets them to run around after her. Even they are getting fed up with constantly being to told to fetch this and that. I'm now doing the things my wife asks the kids to do to stop the kids getting fed up.

I've calmed down a little since my first post and I'm hoping things will improve when the holidays are over. I don't want my children to come from a broken home so I'll look at ways to improve matters.

Thanks again.

Hi craggle,
Welcome to Wiki,
You dont say how old your children are. I just wondered if it might be useful to make a family rota. That way everyone will have their jobs to do which takes the burden away from just one person.
Perhaps a family conference and chat whereby you all sit around the table and discuss how the household chores can be allocated.
I think that it is certainly not unreasonable for children to be expected to contribute to the running of the house.
With so many of you in the house, it must feel as though the housework and chores are like painting the Severn Bridge!!!!
Try and involve the family too.
I hope you manage to find a solution to all of this.
good luck and keep us posted.
zara

Hello,

You could try Relate, they are very good at what they do. You will have an initial meeting then regular (maybe fortnightly) meetings until you all agree going forward. You will be assigned one mediator for sessions and it is funny, but they encourage you to open up. I dreaded my first meeting, but there was really no need to worry. They help you both understand what is going on and help you overcome issues.
I have to agree with a previous post..........your wife, in my opinion, is depressed. The thing is, 5 years ago, I was your wife, and at our first meeting at Relate, they identified I was depressed within 15 minutes and I was told very bluntly. I took it as all my fault, but she really did not mean it this way. I took myself to the docs and they said that I probably hadn't got over my postnatel depression, which was 8 years beforehand. I started treatment immediately and continued with Relate.
I must point out that they will not force you to stay together; infact, they helped us identify we would be happier apart, but they helped us every step of the way. I totally think you should ring them ASAP.