Candy,
Took me a little over a year to 'accept' that my marriage was over. Thigs do get a lot brighter when one day you realise that you have reached that point where it is isn't eating away at you.

Time is a great healer, just have to be patient and be nice to yourself in the meantime when you do get low. Come onto Wikivorce and somebody here will always give you a different angle, or make you smile.

Mike

Mike

Thank you!

I am 10 months down the line and most of my days are good but sometime just can't stop thinking about... what if!

They get you no where but you keep on going over and over all the things that have been done. Why did I not know, why did he not talk. Just questions with no answers.

Time is a great healer..i do know that but i wish I could just go to sleep and wake up in about a year's time.

Thanks again

CandyW

hi candy, im 21/2 yrs down line and im very bitter and it doesnt seem to be getting any better, i have days when i feel so down and im a man, i wonder how woman feel when they are left but i can tell you men feel dreadful it will take me a long time to even think of forgiveness i might have to accept it but its very difficult seeing yr ex to b with someone else especially when youve been married 19yrs, i know how you feel about going to sleep and waking uo and everything was sorted, take care, dave

Hi Dave,

Im sorry that you still feel so bad after so long. I know that he will always be bothering me with whatever he does. Life just seems so unfair doesn't it? How wonderful to be them and move from one life to another with no stop gap inbetween. No trying to rebuild their life with no emptiness and feeling all alone.

I am having councilling and have bought myself books from relate to try and help me. It is so slow, isn't it. I still wake up each day to remember what has happended to me. Over and over again, each day, the same.

I am told so many times that I will get through this and I will be ok. I guess we both will but... when? Neither of us knows.

I wish you well and hope that happiness comes your way too.

Take Care

CandyW

Forgiveness is so hard. I am really struggling too, but I know it is the only way, as not forgiving is also devastating. I have found the following ideas helpful:

I thought at first that forgiveness was about the other person and making them feel better, which I wasn't feeling inclined to do, but forgiveness is about yourself.

To forgive does not mean condoning harmful behaviour or denying the hurt or allowing someone to hurt you again.

It is about letting go, accepting that "bygones are bygones", and releasing yourself from events that chain you to the past. To show forgiveness does not require you to be friends. It may be enough that we feel able to leave a situation behind.

I live in hope that the intention will eventually become reality.

I will never forgive my ex for treating me like sh1t and forcing me to walk away from my children and home. I have accepted that I had no choice, and that it was the only way that I would ever have a chance to be happy.

I will never be happy about the situation, however I do have a chance to live a happy life, perhaps with somebody new, which was something I could have never hoped for if we had stayed together, we were just so different. Its amazing that it took me so long to work it out!

GM

i will never forgive her
Forgive her adultery?

Forgive her denying my kids being raised by their dad?

Forgive her for doing me out of £300k which I worked 20 years to accumulate?Not the ten we were married!

Forgive her for accusing me of being mad when i told her i knew about her affair!Even though I had reams of emails that proved it that she didn't know about when i confronted her.She kept that up for a month.

Forgive her for moving a second bloke in my home within 3 months of me leaving when her first adultery collapsed.

Forgive her for prioritising her new relationships over her own kids who now live their lives in their bedrooms outta the way.

Forgive her for two years of no sex whilst she was banging the other fella in the last two years of our marriage.

Forgive her for the abuse she gave me over them last two years?

I don't Forgive and I don't Forget I paid her off and every time she tries to manipulate me or asks anything of me in any guise I remember how abominably she treated me and the answer is NO!

What don't kill you makes you stronger!I use the negatives I went through to make me a stronger person!