Hi everyone,

Don't know where to start but I'll try and keep this brief.

My husband and I have been living together for 17 years.

Currently living in a lovely house with our son aged 10, since 2001, but have been struggling to make ends meet on and off for at least 4 years.

Husband is self employed and doesn't get paid on time so it's impossible to work out a monthly budget, (when we bought this house, he was employed as well, could support the sub prime mortgage of £1350 per month), but lost job a few months afterwards - says he finds it hard to work for other people.

Our wonderful son is 10 , has autism, epilepsy and adhd and is very challenging; he's violent towards us both, has put me in hospital twice and his special school find it hard to cope with him. His behaviour has not only affected my health - I've been treated for clinical depression for five years, but it has had a detrimental effect on my husband's business.

Almost 3 years ago, after receiving an eviction notice, hubby persuaded me to take out a loan, (secured on the house), to stop an pay the arrears and stop on our mortgage(12.5k), saying the £37k loan was for six months to enable us to get back on our feet and put us in a position to apply for a high street mortgage - our rate then in 2005 was 8.75%.

Unfortunately after the six months period passed, his application was unsuccessful so we're now left with payments of £600 per month on top of our mortgage which currently stands at 5.5k arrears - payment being £2k per month - 2.6 k inc loan.

Business has been poor so you can guess the rest - second eviction notice in October last year, managed to stop that with a promise to pay arrears over 12mths, in trouble with that too.

I have asked him repeatedly to sell up and downsize but he refuses, as I didn't want the debt of the mortgage and loan - mortgage = £169k + loan £37K over my head.

Two weeks ago my husband told me he wanted a completely new life which didn't include me, he wants our son to live with him, I don't have a problem with that because I couldn't manage him on my own, (he's nearly 12.5 stones).

Going back to the ­title­, I feel trapped because I don't want to be in debt, I signed the loan papers when I was at a low point in my illness, but my husband is just being naive if he doesn't think the house won't be taken away from us - I'm worried capstone will make us bankrupt - I even said I wanted to try and do an IVA but he said no because it would force him to sell the house.

Now he's said he doesn't want me in his life anymore, I'm even more angry and bitter - any suggestions please?

Has anyone else been in a similar financial position?

Very worried

I can't help with the legal side of things, I'm afraid, other than that to say in a divorce with children involved the court will want to secure home for child first - as your son has problems that probably applies even more so.

I can only suggest you consult your local Citizens Advice Bureau regarding the loan repayment etc. I think they are very used to this sort of problem.

Good luck.

Thanks for the advice, it was sweet of you to take the time to offer advice, I appreciate it.

Our child is my main concern as i cannot cope alone with him and I feel that if my husband cannot prove that he can provide a roof over his head and maintain the payments, then 'B' may be taken into care.

I am happy to contribute - I suggested living together as friend and support our child financially together, but my husband said no because it wouldn't work.

My worry is, that our child will never be able to live independently and he needs us both, whether that's living seperately with 'B' living with his Dad, with me contributing time and money or us together in the same house - the alternative is that social Services will put him into residential care, his special needs teacher has already says this may be the only option in these circumstances.