He's been gone for over 2 weeks, said he was clearing his head! Wouldn't tell me where he was. Anyway, he came round last night to talk, sort things out he said. He cried a lot, hugged me whilst I told him I still loved him and wanted to save our marriage. He says he probably won't be coming back but he will look after me financially. He will pay the bills and mortgage until the Spring then the house can go up for sale. We have spent 2 years renovating this house and we called it our dream home. We only finished it 6 months ago. He says he is lodging somewhere! What a liar, I know he's seeing someone else, I can tell by his face. He's already taken his wedding ring off. He is a high earner, 90k, I work partime 6k. House worth approx 350k We have been married 11 years, no children together. He has a son 16, he pays 300 a month for. What do i do now? Cried all night, feel scared, lost.

Oh shellshock,

You must be feeling like hell, so he's had two weeks away to clear his head and came back minus wedding ring and with a strategy already formed. You mentioned that he said he probably wouldn't be back. Were those his actual words? I think that's significant.

You mention a son from a previous relationship, was that a marriage? If yes, was he divorced when you met him? Sorry for all the questions but trying to establish whether this is a case of history repeating itself or out of character behavior.

Are you feeling strong enough to examine the relationship and remember whether there were any warning signs that he might be being unfaithful?

He's had time to clear his head but you haven't, try to be kind to yourself and do this. Easier said than done I know. Try not to bombard him with phone calls, texts etc. Again, this is hard because you want answers but, if he really does need to have space let him have it.

Keep posting on WIKI we're all here for you

XXX Fleur XXX

Thanks for your reply. He was married when we got together, his son was one yr old. After 15 years together I have never suspected him of cheating although I've found him out telling lies a few times. We have had a happy life with its share of ups and downs but mainly ups. Over the past 12 weeks he has been different towards me, telling me I'm his best friend and soul mate one minute and being wretched the next. I strongly suspect he is with someone else now, his secrecy about where he is staying tells me a lot. Last night he cried a lot, but also blamed everything on me. When I told him it would help me to know what was happening to our marriage he said he wouldn't be coming back. I won't text or email him, although he text me this morning saying he was sorry he appeared cold last night and "trust, hope and happiness for us both is what this is all about". Eh?

Hi shell shock

I think you already know in your heart what is happening here. It does now sound as if there is somebody else.

I think his behavior over the past 12 weeks shows a very confused and unhappy man, I suspect that he is not entirely sure about his decision.

You are very brave to decide not to contact him, at times like this everybody wants answers and we are all tempted to make contact. However, it can be hurtful when the other person doesn't want to talk or answer questions.

I find it strange that he doesn't want to put the property on the market right now and that makes me wonder if he is buying himself time.

Perhaps you could use this space to analyze how you feel about him, how would you feel if he wanted to come back in 6 months?

Yes, he was cold towards you last night but today he has apologised for that. That is not the action of a man who doesn't care.

If it helps keep posting here, WIKI people help so much to deal with the loneliness and hurt.

XXX Fleur XXX