I will try to keep things brief.

My wife of 5 years has just left me to live with the man she has recently told me she is having an affair with.

Me and my 4 year old son (soon to start school) remain in the family home.

I would do anything to get her back but she has made it very clear that it is over.

My wife wants "everything" including the care of our son to be split 50/50.

I would be happy to meet the costs of childcare and our mortgage on my own to kepp the pair of us in the home, but I suspect that she wants to release the equity in the house as quickly as possible.

My question is this, if I agree to the 50/50 arangement with my son (even though I suspect she doesn't actually want him), does this give her a "stronger hand" when it comes to eventually evicting me and my son from the family house?

Ideally, one of us could "buy the other out" but neither of us would have the means.

Since finding out the news, I have been emotionally devastated for myself and worried sick about the effects on my son but tonight I sensed that she may be taking action herself - I do not want to lose my son or house - is there any hope?

blimey confused this is sad...i dont know the answer but my gut feeling is stay put....the welfare of the boy comes first....im sure someone can help you on here...would you really want her back after she has betrayed you???....its early days yet i suppose....sit back... take stock...seek advice...most of all take care of that little man....i wish you well

STOP. I say stop because you are letting her take control whilst you did what I did and wallow in the world of ''what ifs'' Remember you are in the home, you have your son. you have control. If she wants to fight let her have the first go and take it from there. Remember empty threats carry no weight and even if legal processes start they take time. Use that time to reassess your situation, read up on this site, join fathers for justice...anything but roll over on your back and do nothing to find out where you really stand..not where she has told you you stand. Now spend time trawling this site. You are amongst friends.Polar

from what you say, it seems she has chosen to leave her child. I think the courts would take the view that you are clearly the more suitable parent to have custody. She didn't take her child with her.

I agree, don't worry about what if and supposing. Gen up on your situation and regain control.

You will see on this site that separation and divorce are emotional minefields with many painful feelings. But you will get through.

Hi Confused, I do not really post on here, just read the posts and take it in but your situation is similar to mine. I don't want to hog your post but my wife stayed out all night at a blokes house 2 days before our annual holiday to Spain for a fortnight. I took the girls on my own and now I have returned she wants out.

The plan so far is I keep the house and kids but she wants the equity in the house and I was working on a 50/50 split as well with her paying me maintenance. From what people have said it would be more like a 30/70 split as I have the family home and kids.

She walked out and left me with the kids I took them on holiday and showed them how strong I could be they are all the focus I need. I have now returned and she is living at her mom's apartment that is empty. She thought she was going to still call in and do the washing and ironing etc but I pointed out I didn't want her help and soldierd on coping on my own (how it will be when we are sorted)If it goes down the custody route I would guess as you I have a good case?

As far as taking her back I asked her to come back several times and started to sound like a sap. She treated me like shit and I am not going back to that ever.I am worth far to much for that and have now been given an opportunity to be happy. She will now miss out for the rest of her life.

I see a solicitor next week so will find out the situation and will post. My advice to you is stay strong for your son and try not to dwell on her. I know it's hard and I still have ups and downs (only 6 weeks on)Take some time off work and start planning your routine. Hell I have learnt hot to use a iron and a washing machine!!

All the best and good luck

Well, what tremendous support you people are. Thanks deltabox, you've given me some hope. My main fear is that while I'm trying to be amicable and do the right thing for my boy, my wife is willing to lie and scheme to do everything for the money in the house. What if while I'm "umming and ahhing" over whether to petition on grounds of adultury, she petitions on something completely fabricated? There was no obvious communication breakdown or differences, what if she says I was violent? After last nights discussion with her I would not put it past her to sink to any depths (it is like she has been brainwashed, this isn't my wife of three weeks ago)

How do I protect myself from the lies?

My last post started STOP !!! And stop you should. If you have decided that you have lost all and are going to be screwed over Now is the time to start keepig a diary, making notes, reading posts on this site. Beware the snake in the grass. You are low and as sch you imagine all kinds of terrible things can happen. Its the imagination running a million to one that burns you up.The what ifs, what will she say/do etc. So get prepared starting now so that you regain control of the situation within yourself and you can think clearer. WRITE things down. Your memory is not enough. Search old documents/callendars etc for clues as evidence. I hate to use the words but this is WAR and it is a terrorist type as well. Out of the blue things will hit you. Be prepared. Get a self defence system on board. Dont act in haste. I decided not to talk to the ex. haven't done so since last august. The only time I did it was an issue she EXPLODED over on the phone. When I explained the situation suddenly she was as nice as pie. Stupidly I had given her reasons to appease her guilt. Now Im playing the terrorist game again and preparing my situation with no clues being given to her. Remember in most Criminal cases it is usually the best barrister who wins..ie the better prepared one...not the rookey one. Private mail me if you need any help. Polar