Maggie posted yesterday, her story was in a similar vein to Em's. She had several replies that she obviously found hard to take. I read mine back and felt it was a bit harsh too.

Fair do's there were apologies but she hasn't posted since and I feel dreadful that she has gone away feeling as if no one understood her plight.

She's probably hurting really badly now.

Can't we just concentrate on Em's immediate problem with her family and not the circumstances that caused them?

XXX Fleur XXX

Yes Mike..well put. I will differ from you very slightly. As you rightly say Wiki is a support community and so it should be. That said..and as you say there are two sides to a fence. Posts should therefore be posted in the correct type of post and if you dont agree it is better that your opinions of a persons situation go unsaid if not supportive.

Couldn't agree more Polar

My earlier views:

http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Forum/Discuss-anything/28617-The-Ethos-of-Wikivorce.html

Mike

Thanks Mike. I read that post. Again I will differ slightly from what you said. Some people are lead down paths by circumstance. In my case I allowed her to build her business up at my expense..and I dont mean money. Looking back I came second to her ambition and business came first. Understandably I let her work the unsocial hours , shorter holidays etc. Maybe I was weak !!! She got all the support I was able to give and maybe I became pulled down emotionally.
I dont think it would be quite so bad if once she was a success she thought to hell with him..I can go it alone. ( I made my money by gambling in property) So now having helped her achieve her ambition she wants to keep hers and destroy mine. Time will tell on this one. I am sure that a lot of ladies on here will relate to the homemaker/worker situation where one sacrificed to allow the other to succeed only to have their world shattered. Currently I am PM ing somebody and hopefully helping them as they have found the male/female roll reversed and they are finding it difficult to adjust to the 50/50 split. Thank goodness for Wiki.

Hi em,

This topic is very close to home for many people here, including me.

I would like to ask you something which is not accusative, judgemental or in any way meant to angtagonise you:

Why do you refer to the children as 'his'?

Thank you

YA

em7609 wrote:
Sun 13 wrote:
I don't really want to say too much here, as I too am on the receiving end and would probably not be very helpful. But I would like to say that I have found the lies very difficult to deal with, very hurtful and one of the worst and more unfogiveable aspects of this whole sorry, sleazy situation. I would much rather know the hurtful truth than find out the lie anyway, and then find out that I have been lied to as well as cheated on.

Just my opinion

I know your a reasonable guy sun and ive read your posts before.

Just wanted to clarify........Ive only begun lying SINCE I began seeing another man and this happened AFTER we agreed to separate. Im not a stereotypical lying cheating wife whos keeping some sordid sleezy secret behind my husbands back and making out like nothings happening day to day.

Hi Em

I didn't mean to cause offence or appear harsh - apologies if I did either. I just meant to say that seeing as the truth will probably come out anyway, personally I would rather have known it all along - I hated being lied to and I can't see that it did anything but extra harm. I certainly didn't intend to make you out to be a lying cheating wife.

Obviously there is a different set of circumstances for each of our stories, and nobody knows yours better than you. As I mentioned earlier, the only sorry, sleazy situation I was referring to was my own

It is difficult to keep personal emotions out of things at a time like this, which is why I didn't want to say too much, not because I wanted to condemn you in any way.

Phew. Onwards and upwards!

Hi Em

Well you have had alot of opinions thrown your way, which i can understand as there are lots of different stages that wiki folk are dealing with, i can understand that if your relationship is over, than you have every right to find your own happiness and i believe that you should, your situation is very different to mine, my husband told me he loved me right up until he left, no change in our relationship of 20 years, we had a great life together, or so i thought, he then just walked away, lied for weeks after he left, promised me there was no on else, 2 months later the truth came out, how hurt was i, devastated, he is now a man that i feel that i dont really know, cruel, unkind, blaming me, has spoken to me about 4 times in 3 months, we never went a day in the last 20 years without some form of communication, am i upset, you bet i am, how things come to this god only knows, but as i said my circumstances are different, so goodluck and hope that you stay happy, but i do understand the conflicting answers you have received and i undertsand why they were given, i dont think for one minute people are judging you, but there are some very raw feelings that people are dealing with and life can be very hard.

Take care Erin x