This might sound a little simplistic, but isn't this "discussion" a piece of evidence of how these two "ends of a similar situation, the receiving end and the cheating, lying end" are really not compatible and their relationships/marriages were doomed from the beginning anyway, because they did not agree on the most fundamental aspect of a relationship - honesty and trust?

Petrof

I don't think I was being bitter or twisted, but surely I am allowed to have my own opinions on things such as this, having had first hand experience of the situation under discussion. And all I did was to offer a viewpoint, no crime there surely?

Sun, I will see you at dawn, where we will be blindfolded and shot for the offence of having a ''view''

Not at all! You 2 guys should try being a little more ­object­ive and stop putting yourself in the situation! This isn't your ex and she isn't leaving (cheating??)on you! It's another wiki user who is seeking support and advice. What she doesn't need is people being harsh and yes - judgemental! You have know idea what she's been through or how she finds herself here - it isn't that black and white - life isn't that simple. If you stopped projecting yourself into other peole's situations you wouldn't 'feel' it and take it so personally. It just might be that she's been starved of love for so long and is bowled over at finding someone new and that her stbx is a selfish guy who will spend years regretting his inaction - we dont know!!! So lets not judge.

Im also not going to be judgemental and in the same vain as Mike wonder what you want. If you are still living together this must be hell so maybe you should look at this point hard. Secondly if you have got as far as you have then why the secrecy. I know you dont want to hurt the ex but its got to be hurting him anyway if you are still living together.
If as you say your new man is so good and Ive no doubts you feel this way then why doesn't he take responsibility and take you on permanently (I know that you dont want a rebound situation) and if you got a place on your own then this would stop the secrecy etc. I can understand that you are confused so you must take some steps in YOUR direction to get some stability back. Good luck.

Oh Phoenix1 stop it! That's not the case and you know it. I have no idea why she left you - or why mine beat seven bells of S*** out of me for 3 years when I displayed jealousy at his behaviour only to find he was sleeping with his best friend (a 'lesbian') after all. What I do know is that relltionships are so flippin complex and we dont have all the answers but eventually and hopefully we all heal and move on and find someone worthy of us and our love.

Templar, I agree with your sentiment:
NO ONE makes the decision to leave or end a marriage lightly.

I know that my ex did not leave lightly. But that still does not justify the fact that he brought a third person in before the two of us actually had time, space and opportunity to deal with the marriage break up in a civil manner.
I know that he would not have left would he not met her (or anybody else on that matter - I don't think she is so important here, it could have been any woman who was at the right place at the right time and willing) because he is just too weak and has no guts to do it on his own.

The presence of the third person and the lies make the already extremely hurtful life event, as a marriage break up is, almost unbearable.
Petrof