Hi there,

My name is Sadiemay and this is my first post so please be gentle with me.....

Without going into the emotional side of thing's in my first post my husband and I are contemplating a divorce as although we desperately want our marraige to work its failing miserably and has been for a long time . Therefore I wanted to gain some understanding of potentially what my right's would roughly be with regards to a divorce settlement should we end up going down that road

With regards to our circumstances they are as follows. Married for 2 years 6 months living together for coming up 4 years in his house which is in his name and he pays the mortgage and all utility bills. My name does not appear on any household bill as he pays them all. I pay for all food shopping and little ad-hoc things for the house. He has owned the house for around 10 years and has approximately £200,0000 equity in the property. We both own our car's outright having each paid for our own from our own money. We have seperate bank accounts and no joint one. We both work full time in well paid jobs although he earns over double of what I earn. I have no debts and neither does he apart from the mortgage. My worry is that I sold my flat before we moved in together and paid off all my debts as well as using some of the money to buy new things for "his" house, e.g new leather suite, carpets througout, new bedroom furniture, washing machine etc. All I would want if we were to split up is what I would be en­title­d to but I have no clue what that might roughly be.

The reason I am asking this question now is that at the weekend I came home after a week apart in the hope it may help us gain some perspective and relfection on things and how to put things right as we do love eachother, but I came home to him still blaming me for everything going wrong and he dropped bombshell of asking me to sign a agreement at a solicitors as to what I would walk away with should we split up ! I was shocked as I thought I was coming home to a fresh start but I have a feeling his ruthless family put him up this this and now I feel very vulnerable and alone as his family are a force to be reckoned with and will make my life a misery if at all possible should we split up and as they are very rich they have the money to do whatever they can to make sure I walk away with nothing. Anyway suffice to say I feel like its gone to a different level now and sadly I need to start investigating what I may be en­title­d legally to if it so happens I need to build a life without him

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks
Sadiemay
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keep your chin up Sadiemay!

Startiung point for a divorce is 50:50 split of all assets (house, cars, pensions, investments etc).

Have you any children?

Try the divorce calculator on this site, I think you will feel a bit happier then!

Hello Sadiemay; Welcome to Wiki!

We will be very gentle with you; indeed you'll get a very gentle welcome here as we
smother you with vitual hugs, sympathy and as much advice as we can muster!

On the Financial front; you can probably prove yourself a fully contributing wife. (With your contribution to day-to-day expenses and providing for the house).

Despite that your name is not on the Deed ­title­; you can register Matrimonial Home Rights; which will prevent him selling over your head; at least until the finances are sorted. This can be done through on-line services; through a solicitor; or directly at the Land Registry website. This confirms that you have 'interest' in the property.

A court has a duty to consider the Needs of each party. Since there are no children, you are both young and in employment; your needs are mainly to be re-housed.
Although you had a longer period of co-habitation (which courts usually recognise) there is still the Short term marriage clause; which usually sees the parties re-instated to the Financial position you held prior to the marriage.

My guess is that you'd receive a Lump Sum settlement; (especially since you sold your own property) and a Clean Break agreement; whcih would mean neither party had any future claim against the other.

So sorry that you are experiencing all of this; there is plenty of support at Wiki from people who are sharing your experiences.
Sera
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Sadiemay,

welcome to wiki.Sorry you find yourself here - but you have come to the right place.

Have you any idea what was in the agreement your husband wanted you to sign?? It would have no legal validity if you had not taken independent legal advice ... the only way to get a truly legally binding order is to have a consent order agreed by a judge. (see wiki divorce services for info).

It is the length of marriage and cohabitation that would be taken into account when looking at how things are split. Yours is not a very short relationship - e.g. 2 years or so - but neither is is very long. My guess would be that a fair outcome would be that you look at the increase in the equity in the property between the start of your relationship and now .. and simply divide it 50:50. The contents that you paid for would have to be taken into account. Clearly their value now would be less than you paid for them. You would have to decide the best way to deal with them - would you want to keep half the items? Would you want to be "compensated" for 50% of what you paid for them or 50% of their current value? Not sure what to advise there.

What I would say though is that if divorce is the only option, it is best to get it over with and not waste time and money on petty legal arguments. You can very quickly find yourself with legal bills that wipe out a large proportion - or even all - of any equity there may be.

My stbx has just dragged me all the way to a final hearing - only to be awarded exactly what he was offered in court 5 months ago. It cost us each an extra 12k - so total 24k on top of an existing bill of 10k (him - legal aid)and 15k me (paying privately) ... and there is NOTHING I could have done to stop it ... because he point blank refused to accept the settlement .. and NOTHING I can do to make him pay my costs because unfortunately being an a***e does not constitute litigation misconduct .

Hadenoughnow

Think your first stop like me last year after "The Bombshell" is to call in and see a solicitor, for an "initial consultation". I paid £100.00 last year and worth every penny as it gives you information ­base­d upon solicitors experience of years of other divorces - most of us only have the one we are involved with....hopefully.

After discussion, take long long think about information and make your decision....

Best of Luck

Hi all,

Firstly I want to say thanks so much to those who repleid and made me feel so welcome here, I am really touched by that as I was feeling very aprehensive and nervous about posting.

Just to clarify a couple of things. My husband and I do not have children either together or from any previous relationships. So its just the two of us (he is 35 and I have just turned 31)

With regards to the agreement my husband asked me to sign it was that we agree between ourselves what I would be en­title­d to should we split and then get it drawn up at a solicitors so its legally binding. His reasoning is that this had been playing on his mind and he's got alot to lose and if we were to split it could get nasty between us, courts lawyers etc... as I would probably "take him for everything I could" So better to sort it out now and THEN concentrate on trying to save our marriage. Does that not sound bizzre to you ?. I mean if you are wanting to get that sorted now then surely you've already decided its over between you both ?. But he insisted it was because he didnt want "us" to have to worry about it over our heads as we try to save our marriage now.

Nice !.....he can dress it up any which way he wants but ultimately after all our years together he thinks I am a gold digger (I think his comes from his parents maybe not so much him). Anyway suffice to say it was just NOT what I expected to hear him say after a week apart of soul searching and making some realisations about myself and how I can improve our marraige from my side, thinking he was doing the same. I was so shocked and told him I am not signing anything !. Not because I wanted to fleece him but because the day we go down that road our marraige is over anyway in my eyes.

Then he tried to say that as his wife I should put his needs first and as he is worried about it I should do it to make him happy, and so he does not need to worry about it anymore....sorry but to me that is emotional blackmail . I said "fine, maybe I will sign this agreement but first I will seek legal advice about what I am en­title­d to by law, then we can get it drawn up". Then his attitude changes and he said that if I didnt want to do it then we dont have to and that I dont need to go investigating what I may be en­title­d to as we will sort it out between the two of us if it comes to it. My feeling is that the week we were apart either he and or his parents looked into what I *may* be en­title­d to and got a shock as in heat of arguments before he has said in the past if we split up I would have to pay him for "free living" for the past 4 years. I dont know if this is right or not ?

Also with regards to the items I have bought for the house over the years I wouldnt want any of it for myself. Just what the items would be worth in monetary terms as I would either have to move back in with parents initially or rent a place but would rent fully furnished anyway. Same for any joint possesions in the house I would want my share of the value in money. This is fai right ?. As he would carry on living in the house so would need all items I/we bought still.

Sera:

Thanks for your comment about me possibly being classed as a "fully contributing wife" but I dont think this would be the case as I dont pay any bills or any of the mortgage, nothings got my name on it so therefore I would not be en­title­d any of "his" things surely ? as I said all I pay for about £400ish a month for our grocery shopping and little bits and pieces.

Arrrghh sorry to go on and on. I have to pinch myself that I am finding myself in this nightmarish situation as I guess I never thought it would happen to me. Such a stark contrast from my wedding day and all our hopes and dreams. I guess its the same for all of us here to some degree.

Your all right I definately need to go see a solicitor for sure as I have no clue what I might beleft with the rebuild a life should we split up. Thanks for all of you who so kindly replied and sorry that this post turned more into a emotional rant than a educated post.

Many thanks again and hugs to all.

Sadiemay
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Sadiemay wrote:His reasoning is that this had been playing on his mind and he's got alot to lose and if we were to split it could get nasty between us, courts lawyers etc... as I would probably "take him for everything I could"


Sadiemay;

I'm glad you found some help here: Having read this post it appears that your husband is weighing-up-the-odds of staying married and the cost of getting divorced (lawyers etc) coupled with the fact that you could walk away with any of 'his' monies; versus letting you go.
ie: putting a value on your head; before considering if it's cheaper just to let you stay.

Ultimately he's judging you on what he FEARS; (the threat of everything being taken) and not on who you are; (which is someone who has no intentions on acting that way)!

I'm in the same boat on that, and I believe that my husband took legal advice (BEFORE) he wanted a divorce; and did some calculations weighing up the price of still having our marriage; or getting rid of me; and keeping all 'his' money.

He believed I'd get nothing; (citing short-term marriage,listening to his soliciors telling him what he wanted to hear) He's now having to face the reality that the solicitors have had over £30k from our pot; and he's having to pay ne out too.

So he's lost me, he's lost our marriage and he's lost a chunk of his dearly beloved COINS!

And just to set the record straight re: Your contribution: If he's always supported you; (paying bills, mortgage etc) you have a far greater arguement that he should continue to provide for your NEEDS should you divorce. the less a woman puts in, the MORE she gets out, because the Courts will view it that you are dependant on him. (This would give you a far bigger slice of assets, to house you) Don't worry about that.

It's not defined as YOURS and HIS. It's all marital assets, which is divided in several ways. Heather Mills McCartney was just awarded over £25million. A lump sum is relevent to what is in YOUR pot; and a percentage split will have to allow for you to be re-housed.

And NO!!!! He can't charge you rent.
Controlling manipulative, culculating Prat!