Still together after 29 years, but only for the sake of children (17 & 14). As well as a full time job I have worked hard (with no input or support - financial or moral - from wife)to develop a part time business which is starting to flourish. But after looking at the way assets are distributed that there is little point in trying to better myself - the split seems to be 70/60% in favour of wife.

I expected the split to be a bit more equitable and was prepared to surrender half of our shared assets , including a good chunk of money (plus maintenance for children until working) - now I think what is the point of trying to better myself just for her to benefit.

It seems that what is ours is hers and what is mine is 70% hers.

Most of the assets are propoerty - mortgae-free marital home and some BTLs, heavily mortgaged (in my name and paid for entirely by me)

And the harder I work if and when we split, the more she gets?

I like to operate on the right side of the law. Is there a legal and ligitimate way of ring-fencing my "own" assets - those earned over and above my day job to keep them out of the equation?. I can anticipate 2 answers (1) spend the money now (not my ­style­, (2) ask her to sign a waiver (not her ­style­.

Im not about to start burying boxes of fivers in the garden to hide their existence - I want to be able to look my children in the face in the knowledge that I have been "fair" to their mother. but I know that having to hand over assets which she has had no hand in creating will leave a very bad taste in my mouth.....any suggestions?

ps Im very happy to acknowledge her contribution to raising the children and her contribution to buying the marital home (pre-children) and for her to benfit from our shared assets accordingly. Pl dont think that Im trying to duck my responsibilities

Up until the point that you divorce everything you own and all the assets you generate and all the income you make is up for grabs.

And yes - if she will be primary carer for the kids then she will likely get 60%.

So what are your options??

1) Become a millionaire. If you are very successfully and earn millions then the formula changes somewhat and her percentage drops to below 50% and gets lower the more you earn (think heather mills)

2) Bite the bullet. Give her a painfully (70%, 80%) large chunk of assets on divorce to achieve a clean break and then you are working for yourself from that point on.

3) Be tactical. Get at least a clean break on capital on divorce (even if some maintenance is due beyond divorce) then afterwards work hardest on building up a business (cos all the assets you generate will be all yours) rather than on earning a huge salary.

4) Put it off. Wait 4 or 5 more years before you divorce as the kids will be at uni and you could then likely get a 50:50 asset split.

Thats about the size of it.

An interesting reply this, and contains a great deal of sound thinking.

However can I make one or two points.

All your assets go into the marital pot and are then re-allocated so that, if your wife gets 60%, then at least your 40% is safe because orders for capital cannot be varied.

But there is one potential snag. If you are paying spousal maintenance, it is always possible for your wife to ask for the maintenance order to be capitalised - in plain language, you pay her a lump sum in exchange for the cancellation of the maintenance.

But the question I would ask about spousal maintenance is whether it should be ordered at all, or only for a limited period. There does come a time when your wife should be expected to get a job and I would say that time has now arrived. You will have to pay child support, but spousal maintenance is normally paid
as a fixed monthly sum. It may well be ­link­ed to the RPI ; in theory the order could be fixed as a proportion of your earnings but I do not think these are encountered very often in practice. So if you work hard and prosper then maintenance becomes less of a problem. In theory your wife could apply for an increase but there are always difficulties with applications like this ; the cost is such that it might not be worth incurring if all she gets is a small increase in the payments.

With a marriage as long as yours the starting point should be a 50/50 split. The analogy I give is an old fashioned set of scales with a number of different weights.

There may be a number of ways in which you can place the weights on the scales and still achieve parity. So your wife might get perhaps 60% of the equity in the FMH but you might have a higher proportion of other assets, eg the BTL's. One reason for departing from equality would be your wife's need for a house ; but it seems to me she may be over-housed when the kids are off your hands, and in that case an order for sale in the future might be made with her getting most of the sale proceeds to buy a smaller house outright. But overall, the split should be 50/50 .

Try and google an article by Marilyn Stowe en­title­d ' maintenance re-marriage and Barder events ' which you may find helpful.

Mike