Hello Wiki,

I have been following your posts since coming across this site some time ago, albeit from a quiet distance, and must say what a wonderful and supportive resource this is for those embarking on the divorce journey. It is packed with sound advice and emotional support for those who need it.

My question is this, what could I reasonably expect to aim for as a financial settlement from my situation. I am undergoing mediation with my husband to avoid the trauma/expense of the court route but feel very vulnerable as he is an experienced negoiator (as evidenced by his salary/bonuses!)and I have to rely on what I can pick up on my own and my wits.

Our situation as follows:

Married 15 years

One Child 10 years old

House valued at £560,000 (up for sale, no offers, under pressure from estate agents, husband to lower price to £500,000 to get rid of it!)
Mortgage £250,000

Inheritance on its way c.£180,000 (from husband's side)

His salary £102,000 + bonuses (last financial year earnt £180,000 before tax)

His company pensions £220,000 for one, two others unknown
Also stocks and shares or unknown value

My pensions - 2 very small around £6,000 and £4,000

I currently do not work but have recently retrained and would like to return to work part time until our child is settled in High School. I would think I could expect to earn c.£10,000 tops.

I understand he must pay around 15% of his salary for Child Maintenance but would should I be aiming for in terms of share of assets etc. I think I will need him to supplement my income for at least two years until I can get on my feet, but I would like to make a clean break as there are all sorts of manipulations/nastiness going on at the moment.

Sorry if this post make bedtime reading but trying to think of everything that's usually asked.

Mediation I have no experience of. Don't know whether a solicitior or anyone is advising you in the background. But unless you can 'trust' him to give you the true financial picture I would suggest you are in a tricky situation. I am in a similar financial situation to your husband. My wife chose her different life. My solicitor says as far as assets are concerned you generally start at 50/50. (Which I feel in my case is completely immoral) I have made my wife an offer to cover assets and child maintenance. Not without risks but I have made an offer and we are both still thinking about it. I am sure her solicitor is saying legally you are en­title­d to a lot more. I am hoping my x2b is saying that is more than enough? Still early days for us though. And goes with out saying I am not an expert just relaying my experiences so far from the other side of the financial fence.

Hi XXXX,

As a general starting point giving the length of your marriage (which would be regarded as long term) the starting point of negotiation would be 50/50.

Giving that your husband is a high earner and you have collective assets you definitely need legal advice.

A good quick starting point is the number at the top right of the WIKI home page. They provide a free half hour telephone consultation.

Have all your questions listed and you should be able to glean a lot of information from them.

The courts always consider the needs of children first in situations like this so you will find that as the prime carer of your child the odds are in your favour.

Don't allow your husband to bully or cajole you into any agreement that you are not sure about.

As for the emotional side, well, it's a roller coaster but we do survive WIKI is testament to that, and we are always here in posting or chat if the going gets rough.

Good luck


XXX Fleur XXX

Hi Fleur and Bats,

Thank you for your comments, much appreciated.

I don't know if it's me but I don't seem to be able to get the right advice. I spent two and a half hours with a solicitor and paid out a lot of money I don't have only to come away none the wiser. It was all very vague, which doesn't help me with regards to negotiating a good deal. I got the impression, perhaps wrongly, that this case could run and run. I am very reluctant to do this again as I am spending money I don't have.

I know my husband has taken very expensive advice and is coming from a position that I should take 50% of the assets plus 50% of his salary until our child is 18. The outcome of this would be that I would have to take on a mortgage to rehouse us which would leave us in very different positions financially in 8 years ie me on a fairly low salary with mortgage, him on a huge salary and bonuses, which doesn't seem fair to me, particularly as I have pretty much sacrificed my ambitions/earning potential being home for my child and supporting his career which takes him away a lot.

Also he is making statements about potential redundancy in three months, his team being disbanded, no bonuses this year etc etc which doesn't sound like long term security if it's true (turned down a £30k pay increase from rival company, made salesman of the year by his company, offered large pay increase and retention bonus to stop him leaving!)

I have consulted the calculator on this site which seems to suggest I am en­title­d to 80/20 split of assets (does this factor in pensions?) plus quite a lot of maintenance. It this realistic, has anyone else had experience in my situation? There is also the grey area of bonuses, how are they taken into account?


I am quite happy to return to work and support myself and my child, for the sake of my sanity as much as anything, but would like a couple of years grace to go back full time, particularly as our child has taken this very hard. I would like a clean break if possible because I find the constant manipulation unbearable. I am willing to take my share of blame for the failure of our marriage (there are no other parties involved) but feel I am being punished for wanting to put an end to a situation that has dragged on unhappily for years.

At the moment he is being very subtle, continuing to pay the bills and mortgage plus small allowance to me but has cut off access to any other funds so I am not able to pay for advice whilst insisting that I get a job asap as I can't keep 'sponging off him'. I have never spent to excess and have contributed in many other ways ie renovated two houses practically single handed while he worked.

In the meantime he is frittering money on items for himself and our child (smallish amounts, nothing above £500 but lots of them) whilst making it increasingly difficult to pay off our monthly credit card bill (which contains the food bill and items for the house and our child). I have always ensured the bill is cleared every month as I hate debt. I assume he wants me to work to help pay for this. He is also very keen to get rid of the house, whilst dragging his heels about disposing of the two houses he has just inherited. Does he want to push me into a situation where I have to take out a mortgage for a new house ­base­d on the assets of our house alone?

I would be very grateful if someone out there could give me some idea of how to proceed. I am sorry if I have rambled and I know my situation isn't desperate by any means compared to lots of people struggling to make ends meet on this site.

XXXX wrote:
whilst dragging his heels about disposing of the two houses he has just inherited.

If there are houses to provide his 'needs' then you have a stronger argument for staying in the MH; or taking a much larger percentage of it in exchange for Pensions etc or claims against the other homes.
His inherited homes should form part of any Financial disclosure.

Your Case sounds like it would fairly split at around 50%-50% of assets if indeed there are funds for each of the parties to establish a new life from the marital pot. You have a very strong argument re sacrifycing your own career prospects.

You could ask for a voluntary financial disclsoure; (have you already done this in Mediation?) Then ask why you should get any less than 50% of equity?

I'm in a similar position re: not being able to afford legal advice. At our First appointment the judge ordered my ex to lend me £10,000 so that I may speak to a good barrister. You could notify your ex of this!

A solicitor can only advise; you'd need a barrister to give you an honest opinion of what you COULD be awarded; and they can't do that without a full, honest disclosure.

You can ask your ex to co-operate in mediation; then before signing anything, take his proposals to a sol, and request you see a barrister; before agreeing it and having it drawn up into a Legal Consent Order.

No agreements are firm until a court stamps them!

Hi Sera,

Thanks for your prompt reply. I must admit this is giving me sleepless nights worrying about facing the next mediation session in a couple of weeks. I feel very vulnerable, particularly when another post has just commented about being bulldozed into accepting something. When you were talking about split of assets did you mean 50/50? as this is what my husband is saying or did you mean 80/20?


I think your comments regarding the barrister was very helpful, I did wonder did I need an expert opinion on this. I am hoping that the next session will reveal more about our finances as it's impossible to be ojective without it.

I was talking about 50%-50% of ALL assets. Do you know the valuations of the properties he's inherited?

I wasn't sure what he's offering you? 80%-20% of MH only? Or 50%-50% of MH? (That doesn't sound fair if he's not considering the other assets, Pensions etc).

You have a fairly unusual Case: (ie not just 'needs' related) and what you agree to now could seriously impact on your life in the future. So in larger Finance cases; I'd say at least seek advice before signing.

Mediation does not tie you to anything. it's a place you can openly discuss and consider each other. Even when you've done that; you'd still have the right to change your mind, until it's legally done.

Wiki's a good place to gain advice about the current way Courts work. Although different judges, in different courts could judge the same cases very differently.

I can't believe that where there are THREE homes, a long-standing wife would need to re-mortgage to provide for herself and a child.

Don't allow your controlling ex to dominate the mediation sessions. What's in the pot is MARITAL ASSETS: Not for HIM to assume it HIS, and not for him to assume how it should be split!

Don't be scared and intimidated into accepting less. You can also loan for legal fees; (Barclays do such a scheme) whereby you pay back from the settlement.