I've never written anything on a forum before but these are anxious, sad and desperate times so here goes.

30yrs married. Xtb 56 me 52. 2 children now adults still living in FH. Found out xtb having affair with best friend of 20yrs. Asked xtb to leave FH Nov 07. Xtb immediately co-habited with ex-best friend in rented accommodation. I filed for divorce on grounds of Adultry which he sign and agreed - Nisi granted June 08.

FH value £290k, o/s mortgage £140k (due to heavy re-mtge for large extension 2 yrs ago). Credit card debts £20k (me as second card holder).

Xtb salary £39k, Pension £150k + £40k lump sum possible in 4 yrs time at 60 or cld go on until 65.

Me salary £14k (now full time was £8k p/t at time of separation), Pension £18k no lump sum.

He agreed at time of parting to leave £1200 per mth of his salary in joint acct. Since Feb 08 cut this to £400.
I had to take over payment of all gas, elec, water etc as xtb stopped paying into joint account and acct got 'frozen'. Xtb has all his salary (less £400) to keep xbf (who works p/t and has no intention of going f/t, is not divorcing her husband of 33 yrs yet or asking him for any money)while I am living like a recluse worrying about covering all the bills and eating. Children have unfortunately got themselves into debt over past years and can only support with £180 each p/mth.

I applied for 'legal aid' at outset but told earnt too much when his £1200 p/mth factored in! Have applied for Interim Maintenance Order now xtb paying only £400 p/mth (no date set yet) and advised not to reapply yet for 'legal aid' until hearing.

Sol says to expect eventual outcome to be FH to be sold to give xtb his share and pay sol fees. Mortgage advisor says I wld not get mtg to buy xtb out or enough even with remaining equity value to buy another property in this area as don't have enough years left, prospects or earning power.

I don't want to sell the only home I've known and live in rented accommodation for rest of life just because xtb is 'loved up' with xbf - have lost husband, friends, financial security, social life etc. Emotional fall-out is huge in small community with large circle of shared friends and worse xtb and I work in same place which is proving harder by the day so will probably have to find another job as well!

There must be more options than to having to lose my home??? - can anyone explain 'mortgagee not being released from mortgage' and would this help my situation?

As your children have grown up, even though they are still living at home, the court will probably order the house sold, the only option to buy your x out is to see if you can get a self cert mortgage, where you dont have to declare your salary and they will take the existing equity into account, otherwise the house will be sold, sorry.
I can t see your x agreeing to leave his name on the mortgage so you could remortgage it to give him his share, as he will more than likely want to buy a place with his new partner.
I am sorry, I know it sounds so harsh and unfair especially after all the years of marriage.
kind regards
dawn

I apologize, i forgot one other option, you are en­title­d to 75k of the equity in the home as is x, you are also en­title­d to 77k of x's pension, you can offer to offset your share of his pension for his equity in the house.
if you can afford the mortgage and associated bills that go with the property then that is a way if he agrees for yo to keep the FH.
once again i apologize for forgetting to put this down.
kind regards
dawn