Well, in 24 hours i've gone from being the optimistic fella you've all come to know to being a total wreck.
..........She has a date!
I dont know who he is, or where hes from, although i strongly suspect its someone from our old town who shes recently hooked up with on facebook......{whoever started these social networking sites should be taken out and shot in the back of the head in my opinion}.
I've always had a suspision that there was someone else indirectly involved in all this, someone whos given her a little attention that i never or did'nt have time to give her.....but i did'nt expect this after only 10 weeks of seperaition.
I know i have'nt been the greatest husband in the world, and cant really take the moral high ground as i had a fling when we seperated back in 04, something which shes never ever been able to come to terms with, but although we have had some very turbulant times, i've always been there when it mattered.....when the sh*t really hit the fan when it woulda been easier for me to just walk away.
I was hopeing that eventually she'd see the changes i've made to my life­style­, realise how deeply i do love her and find it in herself to see it is worth giving us another chance.......but it seems all our chances are up.
I cant eat, cant sleep, cant work, cant focus on anything but her and A.N Other. The past 9 months in my opinion but obviously not hers were some of the best we'd had in years....ok, so i was working all the hours god sent, but that was only to make us financially secure so we could move area, maybe expand our family.........I feel like someones just taken away the rest of our lives and replaced it with a huge black hole.
If it would'nt undo 10 weeks hard work and determinaition, i'd get blind drunk.........But i wont as doing summat silly in that state kinda goes hand in hand.
Christ, why cant i either wake up from this nightmare or turn the clock back to when we were genuinley happy together? I predicted last October when we agreed to put everything behind us and make a fresh start that another break up, house move would probably kill me..........I think i might've been right.

Im inconsolable, a destroyed man.

Matt x

Hi Matt

I know exactly how you feel, we finally separated early this year after months of trying to patch up the marriage

My STBX recently finally was honest with me and told me she was now in a relationship with the guy she had an affair with last year. Something I had suspected for ages.

I went through the ringer as well but found the best way of dealing with the pain was to keep reminding herself that she wasn't worth it and think about how I would move forward not look back at what I thought I had lost.

Luckily for me I had started a relationship with someone else who is lovely and is everything my STBX now isn't.

Obviously you can't leap straight into another relationship but there are much better fish out there and I have found one!

Now all I have to worry about are the financial issues as over the years I have been the main breadwinner and at least joint carer in terms of children while she has indulged herself.....still that is a separate battle!

Hang in there mate!

Steve

Hi Matt

Poor you - it must be really tough at the moment. As you know yourself the worst thing you can do now is to have a drink. You have come so far and it would be criminal to throw all that hard work away. You are worth so much more.

Ok so she has a date but it doesn't have to mean anything serious - do you think she could be doing it to feel that things are 'even' as she has not been able to move on from your fling? I know how hard it is when you are consumed with what they might be doing or not doing - when you get these thoughts try to do something to distract your mind - it is hard but my lowest times are when I dwell on stbx and other woman together. The images in your head are hard to deal with but you can block them out - it takes a lot of practice!

You know how low I was a couple of weeks ago but I got through that and everyone on here was so supportive including you - things seem brighter for me now - not saying that there are not still low days but they do pass as you know yourself. You do have everything to live for and that is your son and that is what gets me through everyday at the moment - my boys. Your son needs you - you will probably never know how much.

Post on here and use every bit of support you can get. I know there are alot of people on here who have been touched by your story or your honesty. Don't give up now.

Big Hugs

Linda

X

Matt,

Hang in there I used to drink with the stress of the case ,however I just stopped it and started to fight back. I told my self stand up and fight you bitch . This is what people want to break you/destroy you . The part you play in this is your choice. there are no winners in this game just survivors . I am on facebook I am having a ball i suggest you do the same . You only live once and you might as well live . I hope you get through a rough patch . I have given up drink for 9 days now since I went out last week with a friend who had far too much and said too much.
I get told how I do not look my age this is simply because I do not drink much or smoke ,health is something you have to invest in your future .
I know we have all been there ,but ask your self this do you really want to stay down there or get up ! sign up on facebook ,go out with your mates do something but .....
ring someone.

Matt,

I'm sorry to hear the news mate, but don't you dare give up. If you think your marriage is worth fighting for, then fight for it. The other man's grass maybe greener at the moment for your wife, but it will eventually require mowing and you then have to be the neatly tended garden that she can see over the fence.

I'm gald to hear that you are sticking with the non drinking, I don't ever want to overtake you in the alcohol free days, remember that! (I am on 25 now )

I can imagine that it all seems pointless and over now, but this is just another reason for you to stick with the 'Matt is great and don't I know it' programme. You have to make yourself better and more attractive that anyone else and then you will be ready for whatever happens next. If you let yourself go then you will project a worthless image and all your wife will see is the very reason she left. Or...if you find someone else, then you need to be tip top.

How about a trip to meadowhall for some female 'window - shopping' Get yourself dressed up, go down there, feel good about yourself and strut your stuff. You'll be surprised how many looks you get and admiring glances do wonders for your mood!

Take care mate and keep on fighting.

Hi Matt. Really sorry to heat that buddy, that must be a real body blow. Please make sure you don't fall back to having a drink - the problems will still be there the next day, but throw in a hangover, guilt and shame into the mix and it'll only nmake things worse. I'm sure you know this already

It still isn't the end of the world. Who knows what her reasons are for going out - maybe she just wants a night out with someone. Who knows, maybe she'll spend the whole night comparing him to you and thinking he just doesn't measure up to what you two had together. All entirely possible.

Get yourself in chat, get some nice food in and try to distract yourself. Not easy I know, but try to do something other than just sit and focus on the worst case scenario that is probably running thru your mind at the moment

We're all thinking of you and rooting for you Matt

Hi Matt, i'm so sorry you're going through this, do you think you might be jumping the gun though a little? I mean, its only a date, doesnt mean it wil lead to anything serious. Ive had a few dats lately but didn't 'click' with any of them, not to have a serious relationship with anyway.
She might just be looking for some attention & praise by going on the date?
Try to live in today & dont look to the future, its the only way to go forward,
take care
Cindy