I really don't know what to write to make this better. I just want you to know that no matter how bad things seem there is always someone else going through exactly what you are or possibly worse. I know this really doesn't help and there are no magic bullets to make it all go away.

When I've been wronged in the past there other party has always gone through much worse after they wronged me. They say if you do a bad thing it comes back on you 3 times over. I believe this to be true. Either way rest assured he will get his sooner or later and you don't have to lift a finger. Just don't fall into the trap of doing anything wrong yourself and your future will be much happier in the long run. Better sooner than later and an escape whether it feels lucky now or not

Have courage and hold on. Tomorrow is another day. The minute by minute stuff is what counts. The rest is difficult but bearable

Chris
X

You are suffering from the after effects of a separation and are in a state of bereavement. I do so sympathize, my first husband died and my second marriage came to an end this week. However, having been through a bereavement once I feel better equipped to get through this time. You will feel better someday although it might take some time.

Your kids will never, ever love the other woman the way they love you. They are probably on their best behavior with her and her with them. It won't last, sooner or later, somebody else's kids become annoying and her guard will slip. Trust me, I have also been a step-mother and it is very difficult role to play.
When they are at Dad's try to fill your time, are there any single parent groups in your area? Or simply get a cushion, pretend it's him or her and really let the cushion have it!! Or get on this forum and let rip. Once you let your feelings out you will feel better. Remember, we are all going through the same process and will support you totally.
Hope this helps

Hi Lilly,

The darkest hour is always just before the dawn.

Hang in there.

Mary

Can empathise with the divorce not being at your pace, it removes the power from you. My xh when angry 'attacks' all in his path and my children were in the firing line so I have decided for their benefit to get on with it, as well as the head knowledge that he will never change and I would never be happy with him so it will end someday anyway. But its a bl**dy painful process. Hang in there lilly .. the pain will pass

Saying that he has destroyed your life is saying that he is in control of your life. He isn't. You are!

I do know how horrible it all is. My husband left me nearly 2 months ago to live with younger woman and her two young children while I am left with 2 teenagers. Eldest one has been in trouble with the law, and has been very inconsiderate, only talking to me when he wants money. It's been quite vile. I feel I have lost husband and elder son.

Husband blames me for elder son's behaviour and I am worried so much about son. He got through his GCSEs but not as well as he should have done and says he doesn't want to go to 6th form, but just doss about. He has no ambition, no plans, and is very thoughtless.

I am finding it hard to cope on my own with noone to share problems with, knowing that husband has walked away from 31 years with me, without a backward glance, and has someone else to provide all his creature comforts.

I have spent most of this week crying my eyes out.

It is horrible but I think you need to acknowledge the pain you are feeling and accept it. Well done for being able to let your children get on with your ex's new partner, however hurtful it is to you. As teenagers they are probably very wrapped up in themselve and possibly avoiding you because you are upset and they don't know how to deal with it.

good luck

Lilly,

I feel and understand everything that you are going through. I too have been there. I felt he had destroyed my life and I didn't even want to live anymore. I couldn't even get out of bed to see to my chidren... my mum took over for me. I stopped eating and lost over a stone in weight and I was only 7.5 stone to start with.

I am 10 months on and still have bad days but no way do I feel anywhere near as bad as I did. I have had a hugh amount of support from friends and family and on this site. I KNOW you think you will not get through this but you will. My experience tells me that. Everyone told me I would be ok but it will take time. They were RIGHT.. I am better and I have moved on alot. It is hard, and everyday for me was an achievement. He has destroyed you life temporarily... not forever though. You have to remember that you are at your lowest and the only way for you is UP.

When they leave they do not consider your feelings at all, which my husband proves time and time again. They are just SELFISH and want life to be easy for them without any regard for how hard it is for the one left behind. I could not bear her near my children so I withdrew his access. I said that I would not allow the children to see her as it was too early for me. He chose not to see his children and he took me to court. I knew she would be in their lives but not when HE decided. It gave me breathing space which I so needed. For weeks I dreaded going to court and thoguht I can not do this as I had not seen him since the day he left. I DID go and i was so much stornger than I thought. I shocked everyone at my strength. And the best of all he ended up with less access than I had originally given him.

Please, please, hang in their. There will be a life for you, but not just yet. You need to grieve for your loss, like I have. Talk as much as you can, even if you go over and over the same things.... it will help.

Please take care and I send you one HUGH hug.

CandyW