Carton you will get through this - but it doesnt feel like that now. You are sitting there worrying yourself sick and she appears to be holding all the cards. Thank goodness you have your parents place, I know it doesnt feel like that now but you need to re-charge your batteries. Just focus on your girls and enjoy spending time with them. Stop thinking too far ahead and start reading around the site and looking at the blogs from others who started off in your place and came through the other side.

Theres no way to avoid the pain and sheer misery - its part of what comes with it, you just let those feelings flood through - cry if you need to - and as you let it out - you will find little by little the mist seems to clear. Do each day at a time. Allow yourself a little worry about the future and they say right, enough of that I've got to do something practical. Whatever that is just doing something that makes you feel a bit better.

And keep getting your feelings out here. Go into chat if you like some people find that very helpful.

Would like to be there for you Carton, I know I cant prove to you right now that it will get better but I promise you, in a few months you will look back at this point and not recognise yourself.

Take care R

Hi shiny

i honestly believe we were very very happy up until the point this om came onto the scene.For 13 years we e-mailed, phoned, texted each other several times a day, she would often buy me a card to to say how wonderful she thought i was and how much she loved me, i would buy her flowers which she really loved. (jeeze this hurts)
All this makes it so hard to believe what she has done and the only reason she gave me was 'to broaden her horizons' how nice.
She has never once said there was any problems even now, she has never been rude or made nasty comments as poor carton has endured, which i would find totally devastating, in fact she has always complimented me in every way, so i can only put it down to her being almost bewildered or bamboozled by this om and what he has promised her.
It could be a midlife crisis i don't know, it could be i am ten years older than her but she never said this was a problem as she has always said i am young for my age

what i do know is that as much as i love her even now, she has cut me to the bone and broken my heart and i will never let this happen to me again and i will never have her back, come what may and as hard as that seems.

i feel so sorry for all the guys on here and as soon as a new Wiki members posts you virtually read the same story over and over again, the worlds going bloody mad and marriage has become a farce, doesn't seem to be many couples keeping to their vows!

the only saving grace for me is that our kids ( i have 3 she has 2) are all adults, although they have all taken sides and she has divided the family.

sorry for rambling, Shiny, bet u wished u hadn't asked lol

Con xx

Thats ok con
I think there are 2 threads overlapping here , but pain is the same isnt it?
My stbx also told me right to the end that he loved me , brought me flowers etc and then suddenly said he didnt love me anymore even though I was apparantly a wonderful person !
The only reason ive had is that he wanted something or someone more exciting !!

I still cant believe what has happened ( 3 months now )
No matter what people say I now feel I will never be able to fully trust someone again , and that hurts to think no other relationship for me in the future while hes off with his new and more "exciting" life .
sorry con ive rambled back! Had a glass of wine!!
Take care

I feel the same Shiny, never trust anyone again because i cannot go through this again, really would kill me one way or another, and that is sad and unfair to you and me and whoever may come our way.

Does that make us sad lonely people for the rest of our lives or will it make us happy shiny people who can do whatever they like? no need to apologise shiny i'm on the wine too.

Think the only chance i've got is to meet a divorcee who has been hurt as badly as me and will remain loyal forever, are they out there?????

thank god i have kids and grandchildren, cos i may not be here now without them!!

take care honey

con xx

So sorry to both of you thats going through this, you are still in shock & it takes time to come to terms with whats happened. It took me 18 months to accept my husbands gone to another woman, i mean really accept it, but today i couldnt care less about the pair of them. You will get through this, you might not think so at the moment but just live for today, eat, sleep & look after yourself, if it gets really bad go to the drs, i needed anti-depressants in the early months to help me cope & sleep, they helped a great deal & they i weaned off them 6 months later.
We are all here for you,
Cindy

You will cope. You really will. I think worry is the biggest problem. Worrying about what will happen. When it arrives you find that the situation is not quite as bad as your imagination made it to be. As this whole situation is alien to us we all worry about the future and what ifs. Take it a step at a time. And try and put a smile on your face.!!!

There seems to be a few people involved in this thread, so this for all of you.

It's strange that unbeknowst to us, our partners can be building up a dark mental image of us. From what we wear, the music we listen too, the fact we can't be arsed going to the gym, nothing is right about us. There are of course many things right about us, but they become unable to see these.

We carry on happy, if slightly complacent, whilst they percieve that their lives are slipping by, they feel they are no longer able to cope with the mundanity of everyday life. They crave excitement, thrills, the attention and feelings they got when in the first flushes of love. By then it's too late, they mean to accquire the thing they feel is missing, and damn the consequences. We all know what happens next...and once it starts, that image of you they have only gets worse.

Fights will start for no real reason, like the mushroom one my wife started at a friends house. Apparently mushrooms were banned in our house! Well they weren't, she could eat as many mushrooms as she desired, just don't give me any, simple.

I now know that all the petty arguments, the vicious verbal kicking I got when she announced it was all over, before I even got to know about the affairs, were down to two things, resentment for what she perceived I could never be for her , but mainly guilt, her guilt. She was actually blaming me for her affair(s)

Sure it still hurts, but I can better deal with it, as I know what drove that ball of fury that came from her mouth.

Anyway, I won't kid you, it's a rocky road, and one with a rollercoaster on it! Try not to put time limits on your recovery, as I've found you just can't. But it does get better as your brain slowly reconciles the little pieces of where you now find yourself. However, you must avoid trying to completely rationalise everything, you just can't do it, I speak from experience (still trying, damn it!)

All the best

Heath