More advice i found thats helpful...


Stage one
1) Don’t see him
If he has to come to the flat, arrange for someone else to be there. Ban him from dropping in casually and ask him to remove the rest of his stuff as soon as possible.

2) Don’t contact him
No more ‘how are you getting on’ emails or ‘I’ve just found that shirt of yours’ phone calls. Forget about excuses to get in touch. It just keeps you hanging in there and hoping. If he’s contacting you, ask him not to.

3) Don’t go to the empty cupboard
Trying to find ways to fix or get back a relationship you know in your heart is over is like going to an empty cupboard hoping that instead of a few crumbs you’ll find a big fat loaf there. You won’t, and as long as you’re going back to that cupboard you won’t see the deliciously full one just around the corner. Close the door on it and walk away.

4) Talk about him less
Going over every detail of what happened with friends may feel comforting initially, but after a few weeks it’s time to stop. Friends get bored and you get stuck. So be very selective about what you say and the people you say it to and start talking about other things.

5) Stop giving yourself a hard time
So you weren’t perfect. Well neither was he. You both did your best to make it work and it didn’t. Put it down to experience and forget about blaming him or yourself. Blaming anyone hurts only you and holds you back from recovery.

6) Think of yourself as over it
Imagine a date a few weeks away when instead of feeling awful you’ll wake up and know you’re over it. The sun will come out, gorgeous men will appear from nowhere and you’ll feel like going out and living life again. Why wait? Draw that day towards you, so that it becomes tomorrow. Feel the excitement of knowing you did it, you survived and life is good again. Now hang onto that feeling.


Stage two
1) Feel Gorgeous-Self-esteem takes a tumble after a break-up and you have to rebuild it step by step. Feeling Gorgeous is vital, and anyone can do it. Tell yourself you’re sexy, charismatic, bright and desirable – and listen to friends who think you are too. Act Gorgeous by pampering yourself, even if you don’t feel like it and don’t think it will make a difference. Believe me, it will!

2) Start Flirting
What’s important now is to meet lots of people, men and women, and talk, smile, flirt, take an interest and laugh with them. Life as part of a couple often limits contact with other people. Now it’s time to get really sociable.
Don’t know how to meet people? This is an excuse to hide behind. If you want to meet people, you will. Make a list, right now, of all the ways you could do this. Join an evening class you’ve always wanted to take such as Italian. Try something physically demanding such as rock climbing or arrange a get-together with old friends.

3) Take your time
Don’t jump hastily into any romantic relationships. The rule tends to be that if you rush in fast it will end fast too. So go slowly. If you fancy someone, great, but hold back for a while and remember that this new you is in charge and needn’t hurry.

Some do it brilliantly and six months after a break-up meet a new partner who make them feel fantastic.

Sticking to this plan takes discipline and courage.
But remember that no-one else can do it for you, it’s up to you.

If you really want to do it, you will.

Cindygirl,
That is marvelous advice. And exactly what I know to work.
One thing I did that made it more 'real' was remove my wedding ring. I think that step was the final nail in our messed up marriage and I was able to finally let go.
Great advice!

I think this is brilliant advice! Especially the stop going over and over it with friends! I am guilty of this, especially guilty of beating myself up about the whole thing. I find myself walking the dog chuntering to myself about what went wrong and what he did! Thankfully I dont walk in too public places so hopefully nobody thinks 'the mad woman is out for a rant again'. I am going to make an effort to stop this and enjoy the scenery!!

N

Just what I needed to read, right here, right now. Many thanks.

I will print it off and put it in my bathroom to read every morning and evening.

Good luck to you too.

So pleased you all found it helpful, i found all this stuff on the internet when i was going through hell a few months ago, i used to sit up all night, searching for answers to make me feel better, then copy & paste the pages & email them to myself for future reading lol
I can only say it eventually worked for me & i'm happy to say i'm around 80% happier without my ex.....still got some confidence to find before i truly move on to someone else lol
Cindy

Steps for moving on

Stop caring about what your ex might be doing might or might not be doing, only when you truly dont care about what they may or may not feel, will you ever be free!

Only when it doesnt cross your mind, will you be able to look in the mirror and say, I am over him/her

GM

Good advice. All I will say though is that it takes time..also depends on how old you are. Me.. I changed my age to 21 plus the VAT !! Yep changed the image, took different directions, put old friends on hold, stopped talking to those who didnt respect me and still drive it into my thick skull that just because one person disrespects you doesnt mean the other 6 billion on this planet have the same opinion. I just wish that the one person wasn't on this planet !!! Would make things easier !!!!