Again, good advice i found on the internet, helped me lots when i was confused over our divorce....


Part of the healing process is being free of your hurt. You also need to get on with your life.

The end of a marriage can be very painful, but it's not the end of the world. Eventually, you'll get past your hurt and create a new life. How long it takes to accomplish this is up to you.

The recovery process can be very fast or it can take years. To have it be fast, take the following steps:


Create a new life.

No matter what has happened in your past, your future is always a clean slate. Now, more than ever, you have the opportunity to create the life of your dreams.

The first step in creating your life is to find what you want. How do you want your life to be? What do you want to have? What do you want to do? Get clear on what you want. Then start taking the steps you need to have your dreams come true.


Be active.

As long as you are swimming, you'll stay above water, but as soon as you stop swimming, you'll start to sink. The same thing happens in life. As long as you are active and moving forward, you'll stay above water, but as soon as you withdraw, you'll start to sink.

The more you withdraw, the more life stops working. The more life stops working, the more you withdraw. You create a downward cycle that leads to depression and a very painful life. So don't withdraw. Be active.

Learn more about depression.

Look for and find the things in life that bring you joy. Then do them as often as you can. Create a life of fun and adventure.


Be willing to feel your hurt.

After a breakup, you are likely to experience waves of hurt. This isn't bad news, this is good news. This is true because every wave of hurt is an opportunity for a deeper healing. Whenever you feel sadness, that hurt is coming up to be released. If you allow the hurt, like a child, the hurt will come and go. If you fight the hurt, you'll push it back inside.

So allow yourself to feel your hurt. Whenever the hurt comes up, reach in and grab as much of it as you can. Let in the feelings of being worthless, not good enough or not worth loving. Cry if you can. Let the hurt come and let it go.

When you allow yourself to cry and to feel your hurt, you not only heal the hurt of the moment, but you also heal hurt from your past. You gain a little more peace of mind and life works a little better.

FREE YOURSELF OF RESENTMENT.....


Resentment

When you have a resentment, a major part of you closes down. You become bitter and less able to express your love. You lose your aliveness and your joy for life. You put up walls of protection and you make your life more difficult.

Letting go of a resentment is not for the benefit of the other person. It's for you.

When you resent someone, you are saying very forcefully, that the other person is the problem, the cause and the fault. Not you. You forcefully blame the other person so you don't have to look at yourself.

If you looked at yourself, you would have to experience all the hurt from what happened. You would have to feel all the hurt of feeling not good enough, not worth loving or some other form of "not okay". In an automatic, subconscious attempt to avoid this hurt, you resent.

The first step in releasing a resentment is to find and heal this hurt. Go to the hurt that’s under the resentment and ask what those circumstances say about you.

Do they say that you are worthless, not worth loving or not good enough? Find the hurt that is under your resentment. Then dive into the hurt and feel it willingly like a child. Cry if you can.

To learn more about healing this hurt, read the articles, Heal The Hurt and Find Your Inner Issues.

Once you are willing to feel this hurt, you no longer need to avoid it and the resentment loses power.

The next step is to notice that the person you resent has a very particular state of mind, a very limited awareness, and a very particular way of seeing life.

Now notice that if this person was wiser and more aware, then he or she would be able to act in a very different way, but the person isn't wiser and more aware. This person has very limited ability and a very limited way of seeing life.

If you look, this person is doing the very best he or she can with his or her limited ability. Notice how much this person suffers as a result of this limited ability.

Now ask yourself, Are you willing to forgive this person for not being wiser and more aware? Are you willing to forgive this person for acting consistent with his or her limited ability? Are you willing for forgive this person for whatever damage he or she caused?

You might as well. Your resentment certainly doesn’t change anything.

Remember that forgiveness is for the benefit of you, not the other person. Forgiveness is also a choice. Let go of your resentment because you choose to. Then get on with your life.

I hear wot ur saying

When I met my hubby, he was going through a divorce and me an horrendous miscarriage and spli from fiance who had fled when he found out I was pregnant.

We were doomed from the start. We bought a house together within 6 weeks of meeting. 100% mortgage!!

Got pregnant straight away and miscarried - again.

Lost 5 more too.

Today we have two beautiful girls (both at dad n floozies). I taught them right from wrong and they will neva smoke or drink!!!

But most of all, I taught them how to love n feel loved.

My babies will come back to mama when they r ready n mama is well again.

x2b and floozie? Well only time will tell. When he stops running away from the truth.

Cos u cannot keep running. The truth soon catches up with ya n BANG. U have to face your demons.

Only then can u find inner peace.

xxxxx

These are such wise words. I wish I could heed them at the moment. I asked my husband to leave, it was my decision but it hurts so much even though I know it is the right thing. I resent him for not being the man I married. for hurting me so much, for leaving me in the crap with no money. I need to feel better about myself and I will read your words often until perhaps I can take heed and see him for what he really is.

Aww Chick, i'm so sorry you had so many miscarriages, my heart goes out to you, i too suffered the loss of pregnancies, ten miscarriages (twice twins) then the last two were ectopic pregnancies, sadly i never had any children. This al happened in my first marriage though, we were together 10 yrs but the losses eventually drove us apart.
Its lovely that you had 2 daughters though but sad that they are with dad & his floosie, Maybe he will see sense one day & come back, but could you accept him now that he's been with another woman? I thought i could at first but i couldn't now, he's left it too long.
Anyway, nice to hear from you, get well soon & take care of yourself,
Cindy