Just as I think I am getting my head around everything that has happened someone in the village I have been living in for the last 20 years tells me they have seen her. She's apprently moved into the next street.

She's a Chinese national and could live other places in the city. However, just before she left she brought her daugter over and she's settled in the school near by. I understand it must be very hard for her to move else where but I'm struggling with it all because it is all too local. She doesn't drive either so she stands at bus stops for a while rather than passing quickly in a car.

She decided to leave me around 8 weeks ago. I am terrified that she will be seen with another man and I'm going to hear about it.

I've not been in contact and don't want to be because it will be too painful for me. I have people that could talk to her on my behalf but am I wrong to get people do this? Can't seem to make progress with her near by. I've can't work at the moment, can't stop having a beer in the evening and sleep far too much. I have considered ADs but tried one and it made me worse. If I can't recover quickly from this I could loose everything I have.

Do I do the selfish thing get someone to ask her to leave? Do I move and leave all my friends behind at this difficult time? Or do I just keep going hoping that when or if I do see her she is either alone or it is so far down the line that I don't care?

I presume "she" is your wife from whom you are separated.

You say she left you 8 weeks ago, so this is still all very raw and recent.

I don't know that you can do anything much. You could ask someone to ask her to move, but presumably where she is living now is somewhere she's chosen and she is wanting to settle. You can't make her leave.

I think you need some time to get your head round this. I do understand as my husband left me to live with someone else nearly 9 weeks ago. He still comes round to the house to see my sons and get stuff and I find it very difficult to see or talk to him.

You have to accept that you will have lots of painful feelings, but they will pass. Don't spend your time worrying about whether or not you will see her, try to do something positive towards making a new life. It doesn't have to be major, just small steps like arranging to see a friend or rearranging your furniture. Action and activity are very therapeutic.

Hi Scooby

Really sorry you're going through a tough time, we've all been there at some point and know how dificult it is to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

There really is nothing you can do about where she decides to live. Also I think you moving at the moment would be a bad idea. You have a support network in place where you are, plus you won't always feel this way.

The most important thing is to start taking the antidepressants. You say you took one and it made things worse. AD's take around two weeks to 'kick in' and they won't make things worse, it's just seemed that way because you are in a black hole at the moment. Please give them another chance, at least try them for a month and see how it goes. The only person who can really help you is you.

Take care and keep posting so we all know how you're getting on.

Mad x

hi scooby, know exactly how you feel, ive been sep 30months and it sill very raw, we live in a small village with all our immediate families and friends, ex lives in mh with nb my son and i have to pass our old home as its on main road and we both feel that we should be living there, lifes not fair, take care, dave

I know it hurts you but you will get over it. I see my ex family often. Seperatly and as a family unit. I just blank them and they blank me. Just ignore her and in time she will fade into the background. I dont care if I see my ex and you will feel the same one day. C

The ADs made me feel suicidal this morning and trust me I don't want to be there again. I can't risk feeling that way again! It's all about brain chemistry and very few people have a clue about it. There is also no major diagnosis that takes place. No one checks the levels of the different neurotransmitters in your system so the GP just stabs around in the dark and hopes the AD they choose up regulates the neurotransmitter you are deficient in. If it doesn't or they give you exactly the wrong thing as I feel they have in my case, then it makes matters much worse.

They prescribed SSRI's which prevent serotonin breakdown. It appears that my serotonin was fine and thus even at half does they suggested made my serotonin went through the roof. I have had limited success with SSNI's in the past which up regulate serotonin and noradrenalin but my current surgery didn't realise the significance and would not prescribe SSNI's. They refused because I've been using alcohol to get through. It really annoys me. Good practice should always include diagnosis and the GPs naivety literally risked pushing me over the edge this morning.

Those of you that have success with a particular AD means that they have got it right. If you have feelings like I did this morning then the chances are they got it wrong. There is evidence to suggest that if the right neurotransmitter is up regulated in deficient patients then things are better within hours not weeks.

Not all doctors are this inept at brain chemistry and the like, but they by their own admissions in my case they do not really know and it is just a matter of trial and error. However, anyone that screams to them “I feel suicidal” is likely to get sectioned. Not a good place to be until the damned thing wares off. I had to go to a friend’s house and have him talk to me for 3 hours. Not everyone might have that luxury. I couldn’t go to the surgery for help. hope none of you have the same experience, but judging by the news recently I am not the only one that has had this problem.

Thanks guys for reading my rant. I certainly feel better than I did this morning