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Helping Yourself To Heal
Walk out of your heartache, knowing that you have done all that you can do, said all that you can say, and given as much as you could give. If you feel you did your part as best you could, but he or she didn't meet you halfway, then you'll be just fine.
Do not put yourself through more pain than you have to. Do not think about where he or she would be right now and if you should visit. Don't try to talk to him or her about the break up. Don't make yourself think negatively about yourself or your judgment, or anything else that will make you doubt your decisions or yourself.
Remember that your ex may be trying to get over you, as well. Be sensitive to that, and keep your distance. If you've decided to stop seeing one another - stop.
As trite as it may sound, this one bears repeating: find something constructive to do - something that will hold your attention and require you to focus and get interested. Once you've spent a few days (or weeks) indulging the grief, it's time to take a class or maybe join a book group. Find something that gets you out of the house and out of your circular thought process and involves your brain or your creative side. Sometimes you've forgotten who you were before you hooked up with the person you're so sad about now, and you need to wake yourself up a bit and remember that you used to have fun doing things you've forgotten about since then. You've got a brain, go use it for something besides re-running old memories!
Remember those old catch phrases: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", "Everything happens for a reason", "There are other fish in the sea" and likewise. When you go through a break up or some other emotionally challenging time in your life, you're actually getting closer to finding true happiness because you are getting to know your true inner self. This may or may not include marriage or romantic relationships... and that is okay, no matter what you do in life.
As simple as this sounds, be clear to yourself that you are actually breaking up. Too often the thoughts of possibly being back together gradually eats at you and destroys your emotional well being. Accept the truth of your situation, and commit to it.
If your ex has left you for another person then ask yourself if you really want that person back? Will you ever trust them not to break your heart again? Sometimes you just want the person you thought your ex would be, not what s/he actually was.
Keep your dignity. Many times, it's our ego that causes the pain; we feel rejected and deceived, embarrassed. We doubt our self worth and adequacy. So what better way to survive this than to not give yourself any more reason to feel ashamed, but instead feel pride in yourself - volunteer, take a class, do things that remind you of your value as a person.
Remember that this pain just has to be survived. It takes a season of time to heal, like a broken arm. You won't die from it, though you may feel like you will for a time. Eventually, though, you will feel better, the pain will lessen, and you will be able to love again.
It's a good time to try something new. Try a new hobby, a style, a sport. It'll keep you going and moving on.
If you find yourself compulsively checking your ex's myspace, Facebook, or any other social networking profile, help yourself out and use the firefox extension, blocksite, which allows you to block the URL to their profile.
Go to a party to blow off some steam and maybe meet someone new, but be wary, some of the biggest regrets happen with rebounds and alcohol.
Go and talk to and hang out with older friends that have dealt with it before.
Do not let yourself be caught up with hatred for your ex. If it is best that you split up, do not upset yourself further. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be, and you will be friends in the future if that's meant to be. Hating is pointless and will prolong pain and stress for both of you.
Your partner has a right to choose to be or not to be with you. Respect their decision. If your partner digs at you again, do behave with dignity, because probably they are not worthy of your true love.
Warnings
Don't look for so many distractions from the pain, emptiness, or heartache that you fail to process the emotions adequately. You're supposed to grieve a lost relationship in which you'd invested yourself emotionally. Think about it - what kind of person could just say, "Whatever" and walk away as if nothing had happened? Ride it out - turning to destructive distractions like drugs, alcohol, casual sex, etc. will only make things worse, and can actually prolong the entire grieving process. If you try to hide from the pain, it just waits around the corner and jumps out at you as soon as the temporary relief of your "distraction" wears off. The best and only way to get to the other side of the sadness is to go straight through it with a clear head. Believe it or not, it's the fastest way as well. It won't be long until you do feel better.
If you were the one who got "dumped," avoid the temptation to chase after your ex, ask them questions about what went wrong, and try to "fix" everything. It will only strengthen your ex's resolve to push you away, and will make the breakup much harder and more painful than it needs to be.
If your ex has done things to hurt you (other than breaking up), don't drop to that level. It's pathetic and cruel.
Although you may be tempted to take revenge, or send notification through third parties about your great success in life without them - don't exert the energy. Allow things to run their course without your intervention - they have a way of working out just fine in the end.
Never contemplate suicide. You are ending a relationship - and even though it's hard to believe it, you are not ending life itself. Give yourself time to recover from the shock and sadness without entertaining thoughts of harming yourself. If you find you can't shake these thoughts after a few days, then you need to seek psychiatric help immediately.
Avoid checking up on any online social networking page (Bebo, MySpace, Facebook) to see what your ex is up to. If you think you'll be too tempted, just cut loose and quit the site. The alternative is checking one day and seeing your former squeeze with another girl/guy. There is such thing as being self-protective and avoiding unnecessary pain.
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