When I found out about my ex's affair I wanted to win her back and did most of that but looking back I'm glad she didn't come back. Not because I didn't love her but because she had poisoned what we once had. From the moment I found out about it everything changed she was not the person I married.

Some people can survive affairs but are they ever truely happy again?

Phoenix1

phoenix1 wrote:
When I found out about my ex's affair I wanted to win her back and did most of that but looking back I'm glad she didn't come back. Not because I didn't love her but because she had poisoned what we once had. From the moment I found out about it everything changed she was not the person I married.

Some people can survive affairs but are they ever truely happy again?

Phoenix1

Trying to win her back is very degrading and often pushes them away. It would have been a waste of time in my case becuase by the time I was told it was done and dusted.

I would never have trusted her again. Everytime she would have gone out I would have been thinking has she gone to meet him. And this I am sure what she would have done. She would have the upper hand in the relationship and that would have been bad. She would have just carried on using me.

The absolutly best thing I could have done is what I did. Leave them together. Its the best form of revenge and it nicely tied it all together. Ok so I lost my home, family and fred the bathroom spider but thats life. No one controls me now. I will have no master and only one mr in my life and thats me. C

Yes Pheonix you are probably right. As said many times..once a cheater...always a cheater. Get away with it again, and again,and again ..in my case 8 names so far and I dont think that thats the end of it either. As somebody said to me..they have issues and they can't solve them. Maybe the mayor of New York had the right policy. Three strikes and you are out of the system. In the marriage stakes it should be one strike. We are all subject to temptation and we have to work out the risk. And whats the risk..losing home, friends, family,paying maintainance. Big risk . Maybe that should be written in the marriage vows !!!!!

I can perceive only 2 reasons why someone cheats on you. The only one that I think should be forgiven is if for a while the other party has neglected them emotionally.

The other type of cheating is IMO unforgivable and just is an indication of how little regard they have for their partner. Ironically the former reason for cheating is driven by I believe their love for their partner and they have had no where else to turn. The latter I believe is driven by lack of caring and disrespect.

Yep, I did ALL that only to have X2B rub my nose in the proverbial by going back to her again and again and the stupid woman took him back.
I now know that if we had ever got back together that even if this other woman had been dumped by X2B more would have taken her place, if only to try to keep me under his control with threats of if I didnt do what he wanted he would seek out those stupid women who he claims are forming an orderly queue to be in his company!!! LOL!!!!
GKx

I agree with you all here, i dont want my stbx back as i know he would do it again & again, knowing he got away with it before would make him think he'd get away with it next time! I think that thread only applies if its a new affair & the marriage was healthy & strong before it, then possibly it would be worth drawing them back to you?
Sigh, isnt life complicated!!!
Cindy

Cindy Girl
You wrote, ''I think that thread only applies if its a new affair & the marriage was healthy & strong before it, then possibly it would be worth drawing them back to you''?

But if the marriage was healthy and strong would an affair have taken place? I would of thought not?

It's a very interesting subject and if anyone asked me ''should I try to win them back''? My answer would always be the same.

Your better off without them !!

Phoenix1