Well I just feel so awful now.
It has been 5 months since I found out about my wife’s 2nd affair. I am still living in the same house with her and our 2 children.
I have just been told by her that the decree absolute letter will be with me any day now.
I am looking for a place to rent as our house isn’t selling and I am feeling more and more hurt as she goes out several nights a week. She even asked me to look after the kids for a week early next year so that she can go on a holiday with her new boyfriend. She has been having a jolly good time while I have been racked with hurt, anger, resentment and the most awful pain.
What does this all mean for me – well I will have to live on my own, away from my children, I will take a huge financial hit as she will get most of the equity from the house. I will miss my ex who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I think I still love her so it is like slow torture for me knowing that she is with another man. She won’t move straight in with this man as she wants to introduce the children slowly. So the man that has taken my wife will also be looking after my children. I am not sure I can face the idea of picking them up from his house when that comes.
So how am I supposed to cope with all of this? I thought I would be feeling more capable by now but probably feel the worst I have felt baring the first two weeks. The feelings are so physical, churning stomach, heavy chest, anxious.
Just don't know how to move forward. I just want to get away from here but at the same time I am scared about leaving my children.

Hi newchapter
What a horrible situation you find yourself in, just unimaginable. The disrespect your wife is showing you and the children is unexcusable.
It is one thing knowing that you are going through divorce, but to have your nose 'rubbed' in it is cruel and heartless.
I am not sure legally where you stand, but for the moment I dont see why you should move out. She is the one conducting the second life, why does she not move with her new boyfriend and stop the agony and humiliation for you.
You have just as much right to stay there.
To be honest she is probably got her head in the clouds at the moment and is not thinking about her children as you are. At least they have you.
I am sure will get plenty of advice from people that are going through the same as you, but for the moment you take care of yourself, stay put until you have had time to think about what YOU want to do.
take care
Zara
X

Thanks for your support Zara.

My ex doesn't want to move in with her boyfriend straight away as she wants to introduce the children gradually.

She could move out into rental herself but that would mean more upset for the kids. If I move out then the kids can stay in the home until it is sold or ex moves in with bf.

So really, yes she should move out, but for the sake of the kids it is better for me to move. Well this is the conclusion I have come to but it is not an easy one and I am not 100% convinced. It's quite difficult being confident about decisions when not feeling brilliant.

Oh, that is a horrible situation for you. I think that to be able to start to come to terms with the situation you need to be away from the partner who cheated on you. In my case it helped very much that I had minimal contact with him for two months after he left. He was having an affair and I asked him to go and he did.
I don't know your personal situation but as Zara said, I am not sure you should be the one who is moving out. Her behaviour shows that she is not thinking as much about the children as she is about herself (nights out). She needs to come down from the clouds and face reality. Moving away from her family should help her in that. She might just realise what she is doing to your chidlren and what she is losing. I guess you need to be confident that that is what is right for you and your children.
Petrof

P.S.
It is good she does not want to introduce your children to him straight away, but that can be arranged in another way - he does not have to be there when she brings her to their place or they can meet somewhere else.
Petrof

It is a horrible situation for you and of course the future is full of uncertainty.

But once you have settled somewhere you will feel better. You can make it into a 2nd home for your children.

If you find it difficult to pick them up from your former home, perhaps your ex could deliver them to you, or you could agree to meet on neutral territory somewhere.

I do understand how you feel. My ex has moved out last month, but spent the last year out every weekend, often staying out or coming back the worse for drink, while I tried to carry on as normal for our children. In retrospect I think I should have chucked him out and sued for divorce on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. But I thought he was going through a mid-life crisis phase/stress through his job.

Instead of which, things got so bad I suggested separation in March which he agreed, though we jointly decided it would be better if he didn't formally move out till elder son had done GCSEs. Then a month after this he told me he had another woman. Guess I should have slung him out there and then, but I was thinking of effect on kids.

I've found it so hard when he comes round and in many ways would rather have a new place that is definitely mine with nothing of him around, but feel it is better for kids to stay in their home.

It's a turmoil and you have to cling on to the hope that there is life after divorce.

Good luck.

I just left you a long post but it hasnt sent!!!
Please just try to live in today, dont think of what might happen in the future as it will make you ill, nobody knows what the future really holds & it might not be as bad as you think. Just look after yourself, eat well, sleep well & keep posting, we are all here for you,
Cindy