Good points and worth re-reading Thanks

I was a happliy married family man with two great kids. I never had an inkling of what was about to happen. My wife wanted to split up. She didn't love me, but wanted to be my friend. Said she was trapped in a 'bubble' and wanted her freedom. She was with another man straight away if not before. That was 14 months ago and it cut me in half that she seemed so cool, calm, collected and happy!

During the first couple of months after the split we argued and said some nasty things to eachother.

After that, I tried to never let her see me struggling. I never chased her (f*ck me I wanted to). I have tried not to comment on her or her new life. I have tried to keep my life private from her. In a nutshell, I have tried to be detached from the situation and let the whole thing find it's own direction.

What I found made it easier for me was to admit that I wasn't blameless. I can't have been for her to do what she did. I was complacent, didn't always make the effort that a marriage deserves and had let her life become mundane. It also helped me to accept that people have a right to make a choice that they think is right - even though the consequences hurt me so much.

Whether my way of coping helps you I don't know but I am (slowly) finding that life isn't as bad as thought it was going to be. There is a future out there for us all.

Just a footnote, on talking to a couple of friends unrelated to eachother, I hear that she is finding out that the grass wasn't as green as she thought on the other side and she talks about me constantly.

The horse bolted some time ago now but it give's me a warm feeling inside.

Keep your dignity, you might think it is bollocks just now but in time you will be glad you did.

Sadly an all to familiar story. Ive read posts and posts with the same old story. No I dont suppose any of us is blameless but every story has a different twist. I wonder if things were planned in my marriage. I do believe so. Planned so that I believed one thing whilst she did another. Planned so my money was invested and hers was spent (or hidden) Planned so that once she could get rid of me she would have a very rosy life ahead whilst I struggle. As said this is far to familiar story. Sad isnt it.

manager wrote:
I was a happliy married family man with two great kids. I never had an inkling of what was about to happen. My wife wanted to split up. She didn't love me, but wanted to be my friend. Said she was trapped in a 'bubble' and wanted her freedom. She was with another man straight away if not before. That was 14 months ago and it cut me in half that she seemed so cool, calm, collected and happy!

During the first couple of months after the split we argued and said some nasty things to eachother.

After that, I tried to never let her see me struggling. I never chased her (f*ck me I wanted to). I have tried not to comment on her or her new life. I have tried to keep my life private from her. In a nutshell, I have tried to be detached from the situation and let the whole thing find it's own direction.

What I found made it easier for me was to admit that I wasn't blameless. I can't have been for her to do what she did. I was complacent, didn't always make the effort that a marriage deserves and had let her life become mundane. It also helped me to accept that people have a right to make a choice that they think is right - even though the consequences hurt me so much.

Whether my way of coping helps you I don't know but I am (slowly) finding that life isn't as bad as thought it was going to be. There is a future out there for us all.

Just a footnote, on talking to a couple of friends unrelated to eachother, I hear that she is finding out that the grass wasn't as green as she thought on the other side and she talks about me constantly.

The horse bolted some time ago now but it give's me a warm feeling inside.

Keep your dignity, you might think it is bollocks just now but in time you will be glad you did.

Manager. Great post and a great ending. Haha. No one is without blame. What I did was be boring and I didnt excite her enough. If she could only see me now lol. But I just tried to be a good, faithful and loving husband and father. But it wasnt enough for her. I have recognised that there was something missing in her life and she went and found it in a fat coach driver. Now I think its the best thing that ever ever happned to me.

I am looking for the happy ending now. I will be fine. But will she? Time will tell. C

I think its the planning that hurts me so much
I feel I have been so gullible and trusting
I trusted my stbx completely and now realise I was wrong .
He had planned his departure for over a year transferring thousands to his own account ready for his escape to his bright new future .
I feel desperately hurt to think that while he was pretending to make plans with me about our future together , he was really planning his own future with someone else!!
I could not have seen this coming , so how on earth could I ever trust again . I understand that people have a right to make choices in their own lives and that sometimes that hurts other people , I have been deceived and lied to and surely thats not fair . Makes me feel Ive been really stupid not to notice what was going on .
take care everyone

There will be a happy ending - problem is we want it too quickly sometimes to end the hurt. If it comes whilst the hurt is still with you, I don't think it's the happy ending.

The hurt will fade, albeit slowly and then happiness will be close by. (It f*cking better be!)

My ex crossed the winning line yonks ago. It's not a race and you don't always have to get to the line first to win.......

Well said Mr Manager, I will keep hold of that thought
IT WILL GET BETTER AND THERE WILL BE A HAPPY ENDING .
( we hope!)
thanks