Caron (& Zilla)
So sorry for both of you.
i am in eaxctly the same place as yourself mate, and i still love my wife very much. she left in march (been having an affair for months) but continued to see me on several occasions until i told her enough is enough, i don't think she could bring herself to do it and she orchestrated me into making the decision for her.
it is extremely difficult to come to terms with and i don't think i will ever understand why she cheated and betrayed my love, we were very very happy.
you must try not to think of them and try to concentrate on yourself now at the end of the day you would never trust her if she came home, you would always worry about where she is and what she might be getting up to.
it is very hard to accept but you really will be better off without her (and him Zilla) once someone lies to you the trust is broken.
your hearts are broken a is mine but they will repair and a new life will begin for you, it might not seem that way now but all the guys on here will say similar and they are very nice supportive people, let them help you and go into chat and get to know some of them.

wish you well

con

Thanks for the advice and suggestions.

I know i need to move on and start thinking about me and the girls only now. I am depressed to the stage that i find it hard to function properly and when i'm with the girls i cannot be the happy dad i used to be, i know in time i will be again though.

To let you know whats being going on for the past 4 weeks since i first confronted her she has been shouting and screaming at me in arguments. She got to go on the holiday we had booked 2weeks before her telling me, i made this decision on the basis of i felt the girls should be with their mum, we couldnt go together, she went with her mum.

The night i told of her of this decision she asked me if i would watch the girls the staurday night before but i put my foot down as i have been doing everything to her tune, she was furious and i knew she was going to meet him - she was saying thinks like if you had been a better husband and blaming me for everything. She then threatened to stop me seeing the girls on the Thursday, Friday and the day of that Saturday. She has since threatened me with walking away from the house leaving me with the bills which i cannot afford due my job situation. When i found the letter and told her to be careful where she keeps thinks he gives her i walked away from her and drove off, she called me and was screaming things like she would rub my nose in it, stop me seeing her and the girls etc.

Is she pushing all the blame and guilt on me, if so why????

I need to be stronger, i have let her walk all over me and get her things her way, i am disappointed in myself for letting her do this to me. The advice i have had from my pals has been excellent, i find it hard to follow through though, i sometimes talk the talk but then dont walk the walk.

I know her keeping the house is the best thing for the girls but it seems she did the dirty and is getting everything.

During one confrontation i called her the usual names you would like tart etc, she called me fat which i'm not, ugly and a shite ride - that hurt so much.

Last week during a confrontation i referred to him as the dick and she turned and said he's got a better dick than you and then laughed and smirked when she said it. How could she do that - i am too sentimental i think - it hurts to the core.

When i sleep which isnt often i wake up with thoughts of intimacy between us and the dreams dont help either.

This is a living nighmate i cant wake up from.

C.

Hi

Conners you say you were very very happy, I felt that too about my marriage , he obviously didnt , hed had a year long affair ! He certainly seemed happy right up until a couple of weeks before he left in june .
Do you think we just didnt notice their unhappiness or do you think they were happy because they had new affair going on , or are some people just capable of hiding their emotions really well.

I too feel sick that we were obviously living a lie and I didnt even notice!!!

It takes time to recover from the shock whilst the person whos had the affair has had time to think and make plans . They tend to call the shots at first cos they already know what they want in future whilst the rejected person is still in a complete daze .

Take care

Hi shiny
Think you have just hit the nail right on the head.
When you plan to do something, you have time to ajust, your emotions have climbed quite a way up the ladder, when you are 'left' behind, you start from well below the bottom rung. You are low and do not know what to do, the other party just ambles along with their plans.
It is at this stage that I feel so much for the person that is 'left' as they are so vulnerable, and then have to go to a solicitor, that is when i feel they are exploited. They have that to contend with that as well. And if most of the posts are correct, it seems to be consistent that they are the ones that lose most.
sad. I could cry for them
zara

Hi Shiny & Zara

Sorry, i think your replies were meant for someone else.

I am struggling today, sorry to be a pain but any words of comfort would be appreciated.

I need to get her out of my head and quickly, i'm at home watching the girls just now while she is out and typing these in between playing with the girls.

I'm facing being at my parents for possible the next 4/5 months, need to get a job, then i'll need to find a flat, sort my own finances and rebuild my life - this whole task seems so daunting right now - and god knows what she'll be aking off me each month. She's got herself sorted out with the benefits and she is fiddling this i believe through her employers.

I'm so confused, bewildered, hurt, angry and scared.

Carton.

Hi carton
Message was for you. Its just that sometimes threads go a bit astray.
No my support was for you, Just saying that the person that is left is hurting so much, and my thoughts are with you.
Be strong and keep posting it does help. There is always someone here to chat with you.
Take care
zara

Hi Zara

Sorry for the confusion then. And thank you for your support, it is helping being on here and although i cant get on often it does help.

I am still here and will always be here for my girls.

Thanks again

C.