I'm close to petitioning my wife for a divorce, who I've been separated from for 20 months (a period during which I've got myself into quite crippling debt). Oh well.

Anyway, here are my reasons. I hope they don't suck. It's hard to get the balance right between being clear that things ave broken down, without incurring the wrath of my ex2b::::



The Petitioner's employment as a writer and editor was rarely credited with any worth by the Respondent beyond it being a means of income. The Respondent called the industry in which the Petitioner worked "sick". This led to feelings of low self-esteem with regard to career and work.


On many occasions since 2005 the Petitioner has had to endure comments about his character and apparent failings, which on a few occasions would culminate in him being called "stupid", "worthless", "a waste of space" and even "retarded". Such comments contributed to increased feelings of low self-esteem and the Petitioner became increasingly withdrawn.


In March 2005, 18 months before separating, the Respondent informed the Petitioner to move into the spare room. Since then, until the date of separation (November 2006), the Petitioner slept and worked in the same "spare" room.


In April 2005 the Petitioner took extra part-time employment during a period of financial hardship. The Respondent told the Petitioner that if she was forced to find employment, she would never forgive him.


The Respondent has not shown the Petitioner any form of sexual interest since December 2002/January 2003. This has lead the petitioner to have feelings of very low self esteem.


In January 2007, two months after separating, the Respondent visited her mother-in-law and father-in-law and told them she would be "taking him (the Petitioner) for all she can get", in reference that she would take full financial advantage of divorce proceedings going ahead. The Respondent subsequently visited a niece in March 2008 and expressed the same sentiment explicitly.

I'm a little confused here reading your post.If you've been seperated for 20 months how can you provide recent examples of unreasonable behaviour if you're not living together.I divorced on UB grounds, and learnt that keeping it simple was best.I had to provide recent examples of UB too.
Also the bit about her fleecing you is here-say not fact surely.It might make you feel good to write it but I doubt it will be included.
I wondered why you are not divorcing on seperation grounds,if you've already been seperated 20 months with only 4 months to go? I'm no legal eagle by the way this is purely my thoughts on your post.

topaz wrote:
I'm a little confused here reading your post.If you've been seperated for 20 months how can you provide recent examples of unreasonable behaviour if you're not living together. I divorced on UB grounds, and learnt that keeping it simple was best.I had to provide recent examples of UB too.
Also the bit about her fleecing you is here-say not fact surely.It might make you feel good to write it but I doubt it will be included.

I don't see why newer reasons shouldn't be stated, even if they have arisen since separation, but I agree that in this case, the reason is rather inflammatory. I shall remove it.


I wondered why you are not divorcing on seperation grounds,if you've already been seperated 20 months with only 4 months to go? I'm no legal eagle by the way this is purely my thoughts on your post.

Well, the truth is that I just want to get it over with. I should have done this a year ago, but every time I tried to face going through wih it, I felt like a bad person. Well, maybe I am a bad person, but I'm done with feeling guilty about it. Hence why I need to do this now.

Hi

I read your intro post and i feel that when you look at both post togethter (mainly the children involved) what is the point of going for a divorce on the grounds of UB? i would keep things as easy as possible and wait another 4 months. Especially considering your ex is probably not going to like the reasons qouted. you need to try and stay as ammicable as possible and in my view another 4 mnths is worth it.

I agree with topaz how can you cite examples of her UB after you broke up?. Surely you cannot use these examples if they happened after the split as the reasons for the split.

Does that make sense?

Hi Zapp44,
guilt doesn't help anybody move on so I agree with you.Maybe someone with some legal expertise may post soon, all I know is that my UB divorce has already taken a year to date.if you mean getting it over with as completing the divorce quickly I wouldn't hold my breath but if you mean it in the terms of starting the divorce process as your decision is finally made and you need to move on then I can see why you feel you can't wait any longer.whatever feelings you have I found that an amicable divorce can become a very acrimonious if the petition(grounds )is seen as highly inflammatory to the other side.one adjective, one comment on my petition sent my x into overdrive and since then common sense went out of the window.he became the most irrational person..hell bent on revenge and I thought I'd chosen my words with care.

charis wrote:
Hi
I agree with topaz how can you cite examples of her UB after you broke up?. Surely you cannot use these examples if they happened after the split as the reasons for the split.

Does that make sense?

Reasons for UB are to 'prove' that "the respondant has behaved in such a way that the petitioner cannot reasonably be expected to live with the respondant." By that reasoning, sentiments expressed after seperation are just as valid as those expressed prior to it. Unless I've misunderstood something?

That said, the argument in this case may be moot since I agree with topaz that the reasons in question are not the most reliable (or the most helpful to a harmonious future) as I was not present to witness them; ergo, it cannot be relied upon as 'proof'.

As for waiting four months, that's not an option. Both myself and my ex-2b have put eachother through misery that I don't believe can be alleviated by waiting four months just to brush aside reasons that are ultimately inconsequential to the outcome. We've been fairly civil for 20 months, and I fear we are about to start fighting like wildcats. To be honest, I feel that had we fought first (my fault that we didn't), we may have been looking forward to a more amicable future.

I just want to know if my reasons are sufficient. To be fair, I was probably more at fault that my wife was for the break-up of our relationship, but I have no other recourse than to cite UB on her part. In a roundabout way I have run these reasons past her, and may do so again so as the paperwork doesn't cause too much of a shock when it does land on her doormat. What will be a shock is when I tell her that me paying half my pre-tax wages in settlement will have to end, which could mean selling the house --- that's gonna get ugly, probably moreso if I wait 4 months to start the divorce ball rolling.

Aye, it's a messy business.