Hi Rasher
Had a talk with her last night then again this morning she confirm`d that he did serve sentance for dealing acid and that he does get stuff 4 his nieghbours but thats not dealing ( i thought that was) and he doesn`t use skunk anymore and the last time was 3 days ago! she also said that he has 3 kids yet doesn`t see any of them, 1 he went to court to see and judge refused him any access as he had a breakdown and had to go into hosp. and is still on anti-deppressants, she has only been in a relationship with him for 3 weeks and wants to move into private accom. with him and take kids with her i asked her how and she admitted that she and him dont have money to pay for it,i said if she wants to thats her desision but i`m not willing to disrupt the kids at this stage by agreing to the kids going with her and until i`m satisfied that the kids will be alright i didn`t want him to meet the kids or be around them at this stage she then walked out again!

Kato,

This may go against some of the advice you have already received but I would apply to the court for a defined contact order. Asking that she does not see this man when the children are with her. I would ask that this be looked at urgently.

Really think you need to be talking to your solicitor tomorrow. You could also call the children's legal services helpline to seek advice.

This is a hard situation, but you are their dad and personally if she is currently seeing this man whilst caring for your children I would try to get them to remain in the FMH with you acting as PWC until this is sorted.

Some on here I know will say I am over-reacting but you clearly have concerns and just want to protect your children.

Well I wish you well.

Regards, Sarah

Potentially quite complicated all this Kato, Sarahs advice is relevant to. You know yr wife best and how likely she is to be reasonable about all this. Sounds like she has gone on 'a bit of a mad one' - 3 week relationship with someone who has a bit of a chequered history, suggesting she moves the kids from all that they know to live in the instability of rented accomm which she cant afford. Now either she is being very clever and plans to try to move the kids out so she can then get you out and take over house with NP or really cant see clearly at all.

You do need to get some position with the children first and foremost. I note she walked out when you told her your position - this may mean she doesnt intend to fight you or she might be just off thinking about it. Legal advice would be wise just so you know yr options although if you go in too hard you will lose all chance of keeping a dialogue - sometimes you have no choice. Like I say you know yr wife and yr the one in the situation as it stand so its really down to you to read where she might go with it. The best you can do is lay down yr expectations as you have done and ask her if she is going to comply - if she refuses or gives you any indication that she might operate differently behind yr back then go straight to the legal option - knowing what they are in advance is never a bad position to be in - forewarned is forearmed. Of no comfort to you I am sure - but I see you as in the stronger position, dont give up the FMH or allow the children to move out of it. Very tricky but you seem level headed, good luck - Rasher

Hi Kato,

This may cause controversy in the forum but at the end of the day we are talking about your children here and clearly just because your wife is there mother clearly at the moment does not mean that they are protected from the bad things in life.

I accept that we cannot always protect our children from everything but we should at least be able to do this in the confines of where they are living.

The judge may not grant you interim residency but he may well put a defined contact order in place to ensure the safety of your children.

Agreed, no-one wants to think their x2b is putting their children at risk but these things happen, sadly.

I really think you need legal advice urgently and would suggest you mention the possibility of a defined contact order, this is what I was advised by the an independent solicitor not involved with my case.

You have to go with your gut on this one Kato, any decision you have to be able to be happy to live with.

As far as this thread is concerned, I really don't have a problem if I am going against popular opinion. You have to do what you think is best for your children.

Regards, Sarah

hi kato
i'm in a similar situation as you my s2bx walked out to live with her new bloke and left our 11yr son with me. at first she came to mh to see him and she mentioned that her new bloke was an alcoholic, as well as smoking spliff she also mentioned having to call police to him when he got violent towards her and her daughter. she then decided that she did not want to come to mh to see our son but to take him out, our son agreed to every other saturday from 10 till 5 on condition he did not meet new bloke, on one sat she tried to set up a meeting between them, my son texted me to pick him up early and refused to go out with her again untill she agreed not to set him up again. she then said she would go to court to make him meet new bloke, but my sol said court would not do this as new bloke is not a blood relative and would listen to what my son wanted.


my son has also been in touch with NYAS who will listen and advice children going through difficult times like divorce and family problems. the advice my son was given was that he can not be forced into doing anything he does not feel comfortable with even by the courts.

Hi Sarah
My ex briefly came round this am with her friend and packed more cloths, i asked if she was willing to talk she just kept on about the conditions i would put on her i replied that all i have said so far is at the moment i dont want her partner near the kids or the kids being taken into rented accom. when no nead at this stage nothing else as she has normally walked out by then.
I have informed both schools of situation but as no court order can only contact me if ex takes them out of school

I have app. with solicitor on wed am will ask for a defined contact order then
thanks for all your advice
Kato