Thank you all for your good wishes.
A few days on and reality is setting in.
I am delighted it is all over. At the weekend, a colleague said how good it was to see me happy again.
BUT, a part of me will always be angry that he walked away from his responsibilities so easily leaving me to shoulder the financial - and emotional - burden of maintaining a house, bringing up three girls and putting them through University. I am saddened that he chose to hide behind 'illness' to absolve himself of any responsibility for his actions. To learn in court that he claimed to have been an alcoholic since 1971 (we married in 89) was a complete shock. Would I have married him if I had known? And to listen to him claiming that he no longer drinks or is depressed - strangely because he no longer has to deal with me and the children - was a strange experience. Had I known that was the 'cure' I would have left him years ago - and saved myself a fortune!!!! Although given that he spends so much time in the pub, I am sceptical of his claim that he only drinks the odd pint or two.
To hear him declare that he could not possibly contribute to his eldest daughter at university because his priority had to be him was jaw dropping. Well, he will soon learn that he
has to contribute to the younger 2. The first thing I did the day after was to lodge an application with the CSA so as soon as he takes his pension, they will be asking for money and he cannot argue about it.
So yet again it is down to good old me. The same person who picked up the pieces and supported the family when he lost his job and spent years failing to hold down another; the same person who, after his suicide attempt, and despite losing her mum, gran, 300 colleagues (I was union rep) and her own job, had to find a way to support the children financially and emotionally; the same person who has set up and run a demanding business as well as teaching part time to allow me to pay the mortgage - while dealing with all the c*** he has been throwing at me for the past 2 years; the same person who is now going to have to start again with a mortgage at 47 despite having no financial security while he has a guaranteed income - which together with his non means tested benefits - is greater than mine ... hmmm. And I am going to have to find a way to increase my pension fund in the next few years as what I am left with is half his.
There are lots of different ways to look at this.If you break it down, you could definitely say I "won" - he wanted his pension and half the house. In the event he got his pension and less than 20% of the house. My pension is a lot less than his - but with luck I will be able to build it up - and I have the house which one day will be too large and will be able to provide an income
I am not going to dwell any more on the negatives. On the plus side, I have my girls. Through his own actions, he has probably lost them forever. I have my home - and can now be sure that every penny I put into it will benefit me and the girls. I have my friends - including all of you on wiki. I have a career I can hopefully build and some exciting (if scary) new horizons to explore ... and most importantly of all, I have my sanity (although that has been in doubt at times) and I have my dignity and self respect.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL I NEVER EVER HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM EVER, EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hadenoughnow
Forum 
View my user profile 
