I left my husband nearly 12 months ago with my 2 children aged 17 and 14 due to his alcolhol problems.

My situation is that despite him being a wonderful dad up until about 5 years ago (when dependency took hold) he now does not want to see his children. My son will not speak to him at all - although i think if his father tried to contact him he would win him round. He texts my daughter about once a fortnight. He rarely sees her and certainly has not mentioned seeing her over the christmas period.

I feel that children should have contact with their dads and would be only too happy if they did so. My daughter at 14 is very confused. she has friends with divorced parents who see their children regularly. She sometimes blames herself that her dad does not want to see her.

Was i married to a monster for 30 years or do some men abandon their kids? (he does pay child maintenance).

everyone else seems to be fighting for access - anybody been in my position.

My children do not hear at all from their father it has been over a yr he has not seen them and i can count on 1 hand the amount of contact he had between 05 and 07.Nor does he pay child support not that them 2 go hand in hand.

I cannot do no more he is an adult if he wanted to see his children he would make every effort to do so and not be dictated to by her.I have 2 children younger than yours my youngest 1 is special needs curretly waiting for play therapy to help him deal with the rejection from his father, my daughter has bottled all her feelings up when she hits her teens am i gonna have an inferno of anger, i shall deal with it and maybe call in outside help ie school if this happens .This is something he has not given any thought too the impact his behaviour has had on his innocent children.As i always say shame on him.

I have 5 children, of 2, 4, 6, 10 & 12 years old.

My ex, through a Defined Contact Order sees our children for the grand total of 50 hours over a 16 week period (as he works to a 16 week rota with the Ambulance Service). This equates to 12.5 hrs a month, although sometimes he goes more than a month without seeing them. Choosing to cancel contact because he gets a better offer.

He organises his social life and then cancels contact if the activity he wants to do falls on one of the children's days.

He talks to them on the phone on a Saturday, if he doesn't forget and sends emails as and when to my 10 year old daughter. My 12 yo gave up emailing his father when his father couldn't be bothered to strike up a conversation.

My ex at one point didn't see the children for 3 months and only when the judge at our Section 41 hearing asked him whether he wanted contact did he drag me through the courts for his 12.5 hrs.

When he does have contact 9 times out of 10 his new wife is there. Contact has not always been good either. Not feeding the children sufficiently, doing what he wants to do as opposed to entertaining the children. Leaving my 1 yo in the playpen all day so she wouldn't touch his dvd collection.

My ex was/is a drinker and a gambler and is completely selfish in all that he does. I am sure he sees the children just so he can say to his Mum that he has as much contact as work allows.

Some of my friends on here are fighting to see their children and yet my ex-husband can't be bothered to spend time with his 5 lively but adorable, intelligent children.

xx Sarah xx

Some men are selfish - and your husband has a drink problem, so is probably unable to see clearly anyway.

My ex alienated our children by shouting at them over petty things or ignoring them. Eldest son he wanted to live his own life through and as soon as eldest got to an age where he could make his own mind up, rebelled. So they used to argue.

He didn't have regular contact and has only begun to try to do more because a friend of his new partner told him he should(!) and I think new partner also wants it.

But neither of our sons want to go to his new house and meet her or her children who are younger than them. (our two are 16 and 14, hers 9 and 5).

He takes youngest to play football once a week, which is the only regular commitment - and its something he does anyway, with or without the children. But eldest doesn't want to have anything to do with him (doesn't help that new woman was eldest's careers adviser).

So, although I think boys do need good male role models and I am sorry mine don't have either grandfather and rarely see their uncles, I can't force them to spend more time with their Dad when they don't want to.

I'm encouraging any contact as I don't want them to regret it later, but its their choice.

you are right - as long as we encourage contact we can't be blamed later on. lets face it , its the x's loss to lose out on their kids. just don't understand how or why you can walk away - don't they care - still their problem - mine will live to be a very very lonely old man. -

I just wanted to add to the previous posts. I too am struggling with the fact that my husband doesn't bother to see his 3 year old son. I realise that as he gets older my son may find the rejection harder and harder to deal with.
I have moments of being very angry with my ex. And others of feeling guilty - after all it was I who chose this man to have my child with with.
He also has an alcohol problem and I strongly believe that it is this problem which, at the very least, contributed to the break up of our marriage and is directly responsible for his neglect of his children (he does not see an older child from a previous relationship either). However, I also believe that his alcohol problem is an illness from which I can only hope he recovers. I found it easier to accept his 'illness' when I sought support from a very well known organisation that supports families of people with alcohol problems. They also offer support to younger members of families.
Not sure if it your cup of tea, but some people do find it very helpful.
Good luck.

hello,

My fiance has to fight to see his children for no reason at all, apart from because she can and she will. and yet, it seems that all the writing of letters and cost of solicitor - no one can police what the child is being told by the mother. i feel extremely aggreived that there is no law to stop a mother from telling endless lies and changin these younlings lives for ever. It will now be when the children are older my fiance will have to xplain that he tried, but then he and the children would have missed out on so much. Yo can never get back that time. To be that angry and twisted to do this to a child robbing them of the father they adore because she is jealous of a relationship the children have with both their father and me, has destroyed all of our lives forever.