Hi Sarah,

I've not read or heard of the parenting plan - will read it now? I think some kind of structure would be a good idea in these cases. I think there will always be some cases where one party is out of order but i'd imagine in the majority of cases theres no violence/gambling/antisocial issues and something fairly standard can be done?

My ex works full time and always has done. my parents pick my son up from my ex at eight thirty when she leaves for work and drop him off at four when she gets home, they have him at theirs in the meantime. (My ex is a teacher). I could see him at theirs but I work full time also. I used to take my son to theirs on the saturday but my ex said that in theory they could be doing everything for me and that i needed to "prove" i could look after him on my own, so now she goes out on the saturday afternoons and i have him at hers.

in the evenings I have him there from about half six when i get there til 8 when he goes to bed. thats when she and her parents are there, it takes about half an hour to get to my parents so i cant really take him there in the evenings - and she wouldnt let me anyway as she wants to be with him.

If i book mediation she won't attend, i've tried.

She's divorcing me, but we both agree the marriage was over.

I think making suggestions as to when i think i could have him is a good idea, I'll do that.

Thanks!

How can you prove you're able to look after your son properly if you don't have him on his own????????

When i was going through my divorce my solicitor said my ex should have contact every other weekend and 1 over nite once a month...utter bull! I told her he isn't "my" son, he is "ours". We both love him to bits and would never allow any harm to come to him so why can't dad be more active in his up bringing? She hated what i said and said i would be damaging my child to continue how much contact he has with dad!
My ex collects "our" son from nursery mon-fri, then he has him every satuday over nite...once a month he also has him on the friday. If my ex has a night out planned then i have "our" son on the saturday or if i have a family day planned then i am able to change the arrangements also.
We chose together the school he would go to and also planned together a strategy when our son wasn't sleeping on a night.

How long have you got to have your son at her home until she decides if you are trustworthy enough with you own flesh and blood??

Tiredmum,
What a refreshing attitude... unfortunately many mums with custody do not share your correct philosophy about children being 'ours'.

Control freak Chris!You've got no hope mate.All,correction nearly all,not the ones married to paedos or wife beating alkies, these women that try and paint up restriction to the kids as in the best interests of the kids are just being control freaks.
Unfortunately they get away with it too because the system allows it.
Us blokes might as well fulfil our roles in society that society has denegrated us to and just have no parternal instincts,whatsoever.
All the best
Pete

This i do know, current partner's ex is a controlling manipulative witch that let her son believe his dad didn't love him as he "walked" out on "them". What parent in the world would want their child to think there is one person in this world that doesn't love them, especially another parent?
I have a friend that tried controlling when her ex could see their young child, only at her house (with an audience) and yes i gave her a big piece of my mind, things still not brill for them but her ex takes their son out on his own every weekend now and calls round on an evening to bathe him etc..
Yes you blokes do have paternal instincts, my sister and I were raised by my dad from 5yrs old. He was and still is to this day my best friend. I have a fantastic relationship with my mum also, they thankfully spared us of having to hear them calling each other names. Always told us we were made out of love and will always be loved by both of them. Because of them i make damn sure my ex and i have a brilliant relationship for our son.

Just a thought....

Could it be that society has changed and the laws have not changed enough.

Years ago, it was the 'mother's' job to look after the children, whilst the father went to work to provide for the family. He only really came into play when he did get home from work, when it was decided by the mother if the child needed a good 'spanking and disciplining'. Hence the mother would be seen as the more 'caring and gentle and stable influence for her children' If a marriage did fail, the children would 'obviously' stay with their mother. Fathers were seen as pretty much unemotional workhorses.

Now mothers go out to work, fathers spend time with their children and take a great role in the upbringing, society still cannot let go of the fact that a child is 'created' by two people, and they both have equal rights.

The law unfortunately only goes 'half' way in addressing this and until there are realistic guidelines in what is deemed as the 'children's' rights, this will continue to cause the 'cling on' effect of one parent deciding that the child is 'their' property and 'their property' alone in deciding what they think is best for them.

I am sure in most scenarios it is done for the 'feel good and control of the parent' and not for the best interests of the children.

zara