Is it still my responsibility to make sure our son is mentally and physically looked after while he is in my ex-husband's care for his alternate weekend visits (agreed via a contact order)? My ex husband thinks not.

I'm not an overprotective or interfering mum and know our son loves going to his dad's but since the conclusion of the last court case (July 07 when a full CAFCASS report was filed), there are many things I have concerns about, all of which I have written to my ex's solicitors about.

The final straw came after our son, aged 9, returned last weekend complaining of nausea, looking very pale and was clearly exhausted. He suffered from nightmares for the next 2 nights too. This came about from him being allowed to play a newly released 18 cert game for a total of 16 hours! This particular issue has been ongoing for years and yes, I have written to ex's solictors with no avail. The reason I have a problem with him playing 18 games is that the language is ripe and the graphics (especially on the game he played last weekend) are horrifically scarey and that my ex allows our son to play on-line with people all over the world and their language and views are not appropraite for a 9 year old.

I therefore bravely wrote to his solicitors last week, to advise that no further contact would take place until my issues were at least acknowledged, changes made or that we return to court for CAFCASS to report upon.

I am actually due to meet at the handover point tomorrow and am now really scared at what will happen to me if I don't turn up. Has anyone else stopped contact through their concerns?

I know I will contravine the contact order and more importantly, that our son will be upset at not seeing his dad, but after a barrage of angry calls over the weekend, with ex demanding to tell his son that he wouldn't be seeing him over christmas until we go back to court (which I refused to point blank saying this could be resolved before the weekend and that our son didn't need to be involved before then).

Just to confirm my ex hates me with a passion and things have been very very difficult since our DV marriage ended 4 years ago and he has always tried to upset the apple cart (3 residency applications in 3 years, countless lies and unneccesary verbal involvement with our son, all of which we have never risen to) but for the first time in 4 years, I think I am about to upset the apple cart. Please help!

I know children are often unsettled when they return from one parent to live with another, but your son's nightmares are a cause for concern and as his parent you are rightly trying to ensure that the actvities he does are suitable for his age, even when - or especially when - you aren't there to supervise them.

Playstations are often used like tv to babysit and I do know that lots of kids watch endless amounts of tv or spend a lot of time on playstations/gaming things. I have difficulty weaning my teenage sons off the machine now and then and have to use the threat of taking the machine away.
You also have worries about him contacting others online.

These are not trivial issues and it is clear you aren't making a fuss, or "upsetting the apple cart" out of spite. I am sure that the authorities will see that. I don't know how these things are organised, but it would be ideal if you and your ex husband could sort this issue out via a mediator.

However, it seems your ex is more interested in upsetting you even if it involves upsetting his son, rather than ensuring quality father-son time with him.

hi
no advice here for you,just like to say i have the same thing happening,so am interested in the outcome of this. wishing you luck in resolving the issue too!!