my new partner is going through the div process and his wife has threatened that he will not be allowed to see his son (8) if he has any contact with me. It is a stable relationship and they have been separated 18 months.

Can she do this? Their son had met my children before we became a couple and they all got on great and mine now regularly ask when they can see son again.

NP is very scared of not seeing son again so keeps all of us apart.

Thanks

Hi Loopy

This must be very difficult for you.......i'm not a legal professional but as far as i know 'legally' she can't without getting a court order (AMANDA or FIONA would be able to give you a better idea of the legal side)

BUT.......she could make it very difficult and cause conflict which is why your partner is keeping his two 'lives' apart.

His ex is at a different stage in the divorce process and has is still angry..........i would take it slowly.......get your partner to reasure her that you're not a threat..........and given time hopefully she will come to realise that him having another relationship is inevitable.....and she has to accept that you will be apart of the childs life.

Hope it works out well for you

Cat

...am I the only mum that bought ex's new girlfriend a large bouquet of flowers and said "thanks for parenting my son in my absence"?

I guess so....

They can either co-parent nicely; or not. Obviously you're up against one of the many embittered ex's.

I went to a Family Centre post my first divorce, it was a talk on how to successfully co-parent. I was the only mother in the group, all the fathers sat moaning about their ex's. I HATE that women abuse their power like this; and use their own children as PAWNS in their pathetic games.

Children need fathers, and it should be the childs right to spend quality time with dad.

Feel free to vent on wiki.

Sera
x

thanks for the responses.

She is a control freak and that will never change so at the moment it looks like she will get her way, at least until his divorce is done.

Sera - that sounds like something I would do! My ex has a new g/f and I'm pleased that the kids have fun with her and her kids. Oh well she can't stop my/his or our future happiness in the long run just for now she is a pain in the a**e

I second Sera's post.

I find it very hard to understand ANY parent that denies their child the right to see their father or mother.
Who gives them the right to use the children as poking sticks!!!

When I was with my former partner (not ex husband, that is another story) they had been divorced about 4 years, and I offered my hand in friendship to the ex wife, knowing that we would be having his little boy every weekend and one night in the week. Because.... I wanted her to know that I would take great care of him whilst he was with us. BUT NO she was a tyrant and that poor little boy was denied seeing his father for ages.
She used to do everything in her power to prevent him from coming to see his dad. The child, over the years, started to REALLY HATE his mother.

She used to start ironing his clothes about 3 minutes AFTER his dad had turned up to pick him up. Sometimes he had to wait 20mintues outside before his son came out the door. BUT if his dad was 1mintue late, she used to slam the door in his face and say TOO F***G LATE MATE!!
How nice was that!!

I think it is such a shame for the children, and the parents quite frankly should GROW UP and stop acting like children.

zara

Hi Loopy, Im going through axactly the same sitution. My partners stbx wont allow their son to be any where near me. Her reason was, she did not want him to have another mother!!! So my partner filled in a contact order and took her to court. Firstly the caffcass officer got involved and stated that their son had no problem being with me, as I had already met him in the past and we has great fun. The first 3 months the courts only allowed contact with my partner and his son and his son constantly asked where I was and when I'd be coming to see him. He even told his dad that we could keep it a secret and i could be there without his mum knowing and he's only 5 years old bless him. Once the 3 months was up the courts told her that as we were in a stable relationship there was no reason why I could not be there and it was clear that her son enjoyed my company and of course the courts are only concerned about the childs welfare... It's not my fault he has more fun with us than with his mother...

Good luck