My brother is going though a divorce and his wife has accused him of domestic violence against her and their children.

He absolutely refutes both these accusations but it seems as if everyone is prepared to believe her without any proof. (They are probably scared to ignore such claims).

How do you go about clearing your name? How do you get your own voice heard when everyone is prepared to believe one side of a story without even hearing the other?

[If i've put this in the wrong part of the forum, apologies and can someone move it for me, cheers]

Hi rich,
welcome to wiki.
this is very sad.How old are the children?
Who are these people?
will bump this up ,hopefully someone will pick on this.
take care

Hi Rich

I can sympathise wholeheartedly with your brother over this allegation.

About 15yrs ago my stbx was also put in this position by his first wife. She walked out on him in 1990 leaving him with three boys (three and half, four and half and ten). He was also left with £6 in his bank account. He struggled to cope and was managing to get things back in line including getting the children into education, catching up with missed Dental & Medical appointments. He discovered that the two youngest had bruising on them around their lower legs and so asked the doctor to examine them. It was diagnosed that SHE had been throwing them up and down the stairs as the bruising was consistent with the alignment of the stair treads.

Anyhow, I digress. My stbx and I got together later that year and both took on the role of raising the 3 boys. Our eldest, another son, arrived the following October (1991). Both of us were working full-time and now raising 4 children. It was as struggle.

My stbx also went to a solicitor and through the Court was granted full custody, care and control or the 3 boys.

About 4 years down the line, the ex-wife started to come back on the scene making noises that she wanted to get to know her children again. Bear in mind she had made no contact prior to this whatsoever. Anyhow, we sought legal advice and the outcome was that she should be allowed 'supervised' access in a neutral place to start with. This all seemed to work well and as time moved on she was granted access to have the children during holiday times.

This went on for a couple more years without any hiccups. However, one April halfterm (I'm sorry I forget which year), we received a letter from her solicitor stating that she would not be returning the children. This was of course not taken well by my stbx and she in fact was breaking the original court order. As the letter had arrived on the Saturday we had to wait until the Monday to start sorting things.

He was granted an order by the Court to travel to Peterborough (where they were) in order to collect the boys and bring them home. On his arrival he was met by a Social Worker AND a Police Officer. He was taken to the Police Station where he was informed that he would be allowed to take the eldest boy but the two younger ones would remain with their mother as they were accusing him of abusing them. Needless to say this did not go down at all well and in fact he came away in complete disbelief without any of the children.

So now we come to the part that may help your brother. Am sorry this is long winded but you needed the sceneario.

The proceedure was that our solicitor arranged for a hearing with the Family Court Welfare Officer. We both went through interviews and investigations from all sides. At her end the same things were happening. We were visited by Family Court Welfare people and Social Services as well as the Police. The youngest boys were interviewed using a video and we were both allowed to watch these tapes. It made for extremely interesting viewing as we could tell that both children had been 'prompted' shall we say.

Anyhow, it dragged on and on and on. Finally all the evidence had been gathered and although my stbx was found to be innocent in all the accusations, she was granted custody of the three boys. They were taken from him and he has not set eyes on them for the last 15 and half years and would not even probably know them if he walked passed them in the street.

However, it does not stop at that point. We went away on holiday for a fortnight with this hanging over our heads. On returning to our home we had a letter waiting for us saying that he was to appear in the Crown Court so that his name could either be cleared or blackened. The key was also that the local Crown Court could not be used and so we had to travel out of county for the case to be heard there.

The judge was brilliant. He told my stbx that he did not need to sit in the 'accused' seat as there was no case to hear against him. He also wiped the floor with the Crown Prosecution Service stating that the family should never have been put through what they had. My stbx walked away a free man with a clear name.

So advise your brother to go to the solicitor as soon as is possible and ask for the Court Welfare People to be brought in to investigate.

I will not say that this has meant that the rest of our married life things have been easy as you will see from my other postings and blogs. However, as much as I am unhappy at this time with stbx and plan to leave I think it would explain how I have come to this situation. He has no faith in the system anymore and is a very bitter person due to the experience.

I hope this helps and I wish you brother all the luck in the world.

Sue

RichL wrote:
How do you go about clearing your name? How do you get your own voice heard

Since most Domestic Abuse happens behind closed doors; it is hard for anyone outside of the marriage to understand who is telling the truth (in your case HER word against your bothers). Usually victims are asked to report each incident, (they are given a crime number) photograph the bruises, and an abuser will be arrested, interviewed and Cautioned.

However, the opportunity to clear his name would come if he were to go to court with any of the allegations.

Once my ex decided he wanted rid of me from the house (without reason) His solicitors told him to start Occupation Order proceedings and had me evicted. They put together a massive trial bundle of false allegations, tran­script­s of phone calls (over three months) and we spent a day in court.

The judge found no threats of abuse, neither did the Police and my ex (the Petitioner) came off far worse in the judgement because he admitted to violence and harassment towards me. (Typical 'projection' behaviour of Sociopathic, alcoholic control-freak man).

Even after I left the house; he continued to harass me, and even now 15 months after seperation he continues to try and keep me in his dysfunctional web of anger, bitterness and absurd behaviour.

Just days after divorce was granted - he walked in to a Police station claiming I had harassed him. (Yawn!) The Police have a background of the history of this case, and I hold the Trump card: A copy of the judgment that says he uses extreme intimidation

So I feel my name is cleared. Although this was Family Court proceedings, which is a closed court.

So my question to you Rich - is who is he trying to clear his name with? Friends/Family? or are there proceedings against him?

Thanks for all your replies. And sorry for the late reply from me (I thought i was going to be emailed when i got any replies ?).

The children are between 3 and 7.

suewashere - The info about the Family Court Welfare Officer sounds interesting. I'll see if i can find out more about how similar channels might help my brother. He has a solicitor starting to work on his behalf but can't afford to see them as often, or for as long, as he needs.

No actual charges have been made against my brother, the police have never been involved, the children are not on any 'at risk' register. But the Social Workers working on behalf of the children (and on behalf of his wife) have records (presumably written down) of allegations made by her.

Its the Social Workers that seem to believe every word that his wife tells them. The Social Workers say it is now up to his wife if he ever gets unsupervised access. If we could prove these allegations are false then maybe we could force/speed up the issue.

Also my nephew has actually said he is frightened of the Social Worker that deals with him. When he told her he wants to live with Daddy, she apparently said "You'll never live with your Daddy because he hits you every day". Very impartial and professional !!

I'm not asking any of you to come down on either side of this story. I'm just interested in how we deal with allegations that my brother says are false. He can't move forward if The Social Workers and The Courts (where we probably end up at some point) believe such allegations.

Could anyone recommend any of the 'Fathers rights' organisations that might be able to give him some general support?

Rich

Could I suggest an organisation he may call, not sure whether they will be able to help but they may offer further information as to where he can get help.

http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/

I really hope that this can be resolved for your brother.

Sadly, I can't see this being a short process and I real feel for the children in all of this. My children didn't see their father for nearly 3 months as he refused to see them (he was using intimidation and harassment towards me but with the children present, with police involvement) and I said that he could have contact via a Children's Contact Centre, which he refused.

I am not sure, but I wonder whether it would be worth your brother applying to the court for a contact order (not sure whether this would be allowed if Social Services are already involved!)I would have thought that this would show that he has nothing to hide.

Anyway, get him to give the above organisation a call and see what support they can offer him.

Regards Sarah