Not sure I agree with the last post.

My daughter was 2 when I made my initial application for Shared Residence and her age has not been an issue. Both parents work and she was in nursery from 6 months, so she was used to not being with mum all the time. This differs perhaps from a working dad, home mum arrangement when it is a bigger change for the child.

Also, SR is very popular with the courts at the moment. If you make a "classic case" for Shared Residence, it makes it very difficult for the Courts to say no. Also, a 5-2 night split where you have a good chunk of the weekend time so the time share is 30%+ is likely to result in a Shared Residence order rather than sole residence, contact order. It doesn't have to be 50:50.

5

Hi five

I was arguing for (or rather against) the 50:50 SR. He wont get that at this stage .Two nights per week is the maximum he can expect.

SR is very popular with the courts at the moment. If the parents agree, yes.
But there is already some material out against SR and if you look solemnly at whats best for the child it makes you think.
Again, I am not talking about contact, I am talking about two homes to go to.
if the partner does not want it they find theses reports

Hi stillalive,

Is it possible you could say where to find these reports as I think it is important to see all viewpoints before making such an important decision regarding children.

Thanks,
Jack

I agree having moved out that, nights have to build up. But you could get a Shared residence order on 2 nights + substantial holiday if you push it. Also, it is worth considering the time lag in a Court case and the Court's likeing of Review periods (because they don't like making decisions!) which can protract proceedings over a period of building up Staying Contact.

There is some material out there which suggests SR is not a utopia. But I think much of this concerns practicalities and parents insisting on 50:50 notwithstanding what is best for the child. My friends experience is that a 14 year old with a bundle of friends and girlfriend near one house does not want to be ferried back and fro between 2 houses. And really, they can't be bothered spending qualitiy time with their parents anyway. Lucky if you get a grunt out of them. But when his son was young, it worked fine. For young children, the parental bond is very important. So SR is perhaps more appropriate for young children. In older children, they can decide for themselves.

Jack, as soon as the research is online I will post a ­link­. In the mean time check on websites for psychologists ( I am not one but for various reasons have access to these).If you cant get access for you are not a subscriber try the google cache

This is a very sensitive area and not always very clearly focus on what’s best for children in the long run. Even psychologists are human beings with personal values and as much as they try to put it aside they don’t always succeed. Furthermore its a bit of a political issue. In the past children of divorced families very often did not turn out brilliantly. So they tried something new. Joint custody, shared residency and lots of contact are relatively new concepts. We don’t know anything of the long term impact, we can only guess.
And very often its a theoretical idea. We try to separate the parental side from the person and let him/her deal with the other side. People however are not machines, or have split personalities and esp in the breakup do a lot of things they would never do under normal circumstances, even if they have the feeling it might not be good for the kids.
Now you can say they should not do it ( that’s what happened in the last years) but they will continue doing it. Because they are humans. And this has not been incorporated into the ideal concept.
That the partners both might find new partners and the children all of sudden don’t have to get used to the idea of two homes but two families ( maybe with two sets of siblings, all of sudden 4 pairs of grandparents, sometimes Aunties which have been married to mummy`s new man before and who now hate mummy..you get my drift) has not been taken into the original concept. But these are realities of life so you cant discuss then away.
Other issues, esp with young children is the lack of communication in regards to upbringing. Different bedtimes, different table manners, different approach to fun and learn time can be nice and actually quite beneficial for a child be. But then as an exeption.

To stay 4 days with mum where you go to bed a 7, eat veggies bevor meat and wash you hands and then stay 3 days with Dad where you go to bed a 8, have a milk after teethbrushing and do homework in the morning is not good for small children. None of that puts them really at ease.
They need a stable concept and some kind of strict routine. Like in the MH. If the parents are on non speaking turms they might mess uop the child with the best intentions to be a good parent, just because they are unwillingly part of a two-parts chaos.

Very few partners make a success out of it. But these are Ex partners who very often are actually great pals. They live down the road, the kids are in and out each others house, they spend without hesitation family or school celebrations together and they did not fight a war over money. They have new partners who are completely at ease with the Ex..
The rest of us just muddles along, tries very hard and just hopes for damage control or there are some who use that idea to get another opening in the enemies defence.
Is the scarifies the kids have to bring for that really necessary. Does it really make a difference for them?
In the ideal world definitely, no one denies that. But the world is not ideal and now?

If you do go down the SR route, agreeing a parenting plan is sensible to avoid any inconsistency between how mum and dad deal with child(ren).

Agreeing a parenting plan is a good idea even if residency isn't shared. SR is indicated when children spend at least a third of the time with both parents, there is a history of shared care and there is 'fluid' passage and close proximity to both homes and school. Sometimes courts regard a shared residency order as a useful tool to make parents cooperate and accept each other. As for SR being popular with the courts it seems to depend on locality and the individual judge.

One glove doesn't fit all sizes and some children are more resilient  and adaptable. ­base­d on research Cafcass, the organisation that advises courts on child related matters, suggest contact little and often for very young children and overnights might be difficult for children under 3.

Preliminary research indicates SR doesn't always work well for teenagers - try googling "Drifting Towards Shared Residency"

Stephen Scott, professor of child health and behaviour at the Institute of Psychiatry, King’s College London recently commenting on mental health problems said "Young people don’t like being in different homes on different days of the week ...”

Cambridge professor Michael Lamb looks at children of divorce surviving and thriving here;

http://www.dad.info/separation/children-of-separation-and-divorce-surviving-and-thriving-what-makes- the-difference/