"Manipulate" is the right word.

I think it is a given that a child is best with two active, parents on their life. And part of this is the putting them to bed, getting them up - the mundane things and not just the trip to the seaside every other Saturday.

However, if you end up without the children by leaving the family home, you have to be shrewd / legally sharp to back what you had before (and arguable, what you should have without having to fight for it providing you have suitable house etc.). If you don't, you will find it very difficult. This is wrong, but it is a product of the Court system. It is not just manipulative blokes, although I am sure there are a few out there.

5

I agree completely that you have to fight for your kids, but I do think that sometimes the softly softly approach pays dividends in the end. If you can reach an agreement between you, even if it takes longer than you'd like, then that's got to be better than having to fight for everything or have something imposed on you that you're not happy about

I don't disagree, but it is not me that needs persuading.

Thanks for the responses guys.

My solicitor thinks I should aim for two overnight stays a week, which i'm coming to terms with - Its tricky, I want to see my son as much as i can, I love him to bits and he loves me, and our relationship needs that whole putting to bed, reading a story, giving him breakfast in the mornings stuff, I miss it so much, and I think its good for him.

My ex isnt a bad person, and i dont think she's worried I'll take him away or anything, its just that she sees him as her life really and doesnt want him away from her overnight. And you're right, we both do see him as a baby, kind of thing, even though he's running around and starting to talk!

Its not easy, and I guess I knew it wouldnt be, but I hoped she and I would be able to talk about things, but that was one of the reasons our marriage didnt work, her inability to communicate, so I dont know why I was so naieve!

In theory we have mediation soon, though she says they havent contacted her (they contacted me a week and a half ago!) so fingers crossed we can reach some kind of agreement then.

I hope you manage to sort something out. Hopefully she'll see how much your son misses you and that will bring her to her senses. I was so weird for me when ex had our eldest (16 months) overnight for the first time, but he loves his daddy so much that I knew he'd want to go.

As for the putting him to bed and stuff, it must be hard not to be there but dont' think for a second that it will affect your bond. My son certainly lets me know when he's ready for a visit from his dad becuase as soon as he gets up in the morning all I get is dad dad dad dad all flipping day. this is usually about 2 days after he's seen him. As much as I hate to see it, I have a picture of ex and my son up in the living room which my son can see from his highchair. He always points at it when he's eating and I know that he knows it's there.

For him, he doens't seem so bothered about bedtimes as long as he's seen his dad in the day, but I can totally understand why you miss it.

Hi 5 (steve?) I wanted to say thanks for your reply to the post "Re:How many nights a week will a court give me? ". My stbx recently told me she wants out, half the house equity and full custody of our 2 little ones. Currently she works 3 days and week and has them on Thrs and Fri and I tend to have them over the weekend and have always some the evening routine while she does the am routine.

I want to keep the house and buy her out but she wants me to sell up to stop me keeping the house and make me a weekend Dad. I think the children will have a more stable life if they stay with me during the school week, or most of it anyway.
Your post have me a bit of confidence that the court will always do the best for the kids.

Chris, I doubt you get shared residency.
Your child is too young for that.
SR is relativly new and already there are indications that a child does not handle the back and fro situation very well, so courts are getting a bit wary of this.
Certainly with 2 its not in the childs interest to be have not one "focus" home.
Children need Dads..totally agree and I could slap every father who thinks one day per week or every fortnight is enough, however SR is something a two year old cant handle