I have a 3 year old daughter. 2 years ago when we split I had contact with her 70% of the time. In feb 2007 my ex wanted equal custody so we agreed a format.I had her Tuesday and Thursday and Friday, Saturday and Sunday every other week.This was no problem till recent when ex started saying my daughter didn't want to see me. Now she as stopped me seeing or contacting her. Ive never had a problem with her and have witnesses who will verify. What can I do because if it goes on too long I can see my daughter being alienated against me?

Hi there

What has happened is that mum has unilaterally changed the status qou for your little one and it needs putting back to how it was asap.

You need to make an urgent application to court for residence/shared reseidence and contact in the alternative (which is what you need to write on the application form).

Feel free to get in touch (contact details below) I will go through everything you need to do to get this before a judge asap.

Amanda

I don't entirely agree with divorcelawyer on this occasion. Your D was very young for the sort of contact pattern you had. The organisation that advises courts on child related matters suggest that very young children stay with one parent and the other parent has contact little and often. They also say for developmental reasons backed by research that children under 3 can find overnights difficult and I think you might have a situation that your daughter is overwhelmed and mum interprets this as how awful you must be for the child to behave in this manner and contact is not in the child's interest whilst you interpret the child's behaviour as evidence that she is being turned against you.

A lot of patience and understanding is required to keep contact going because it helps children, particularly in these circumstances, to avoid the longer term attachment problems. When your D is secure in her attachments she will be more confident and happy to come to you.

I would suggest the key is effective communication with your ex-wfe and in the first instance alternative forms of mediation or formal negotiation are always worth a shot. Family counselling or even family therapy could be a forward. (I have no vested interest BTW) If matters can't be sorted you will need to apply to court and the fact you have tried alternative dispute resolution is evidence that you are trying to be reasonable. You might find this new dad's site useful;

http://www.dad.info/separation

Sorry, but I dont agree with Fiona.

This is a case where father has gone from what would be termed at least shared case if not full residence - on reading the post it is clearly not a contact pattern. Mother has unilaterally altered that. If action is not taken as soon as possible (hence the suggestion of an urgent application) father is unlikely to get the care of his child back to the level it was on the basis that the child's circumstances will have changed.

I also disagree that talking at this stage will assist if the relationship has broken down to the extent suggested.

And finally, I do not have a vested interest in this going before a court- if my post isnt clear enough, I was suggesting that I would assit this chap in self repping so that he can get it before a judge as soon as possible hinself.

Amanda

A couple of days isn't going to make much difference. If today a formal letter was sent to the effect that

a) it's in the child's best interest to have a meaningful relationship with both parents and the previous arrangement needs to be re-established immediately whilst matters are resolved

b) the problem is acknowledged and an alternative way forward is offered

c) a reply by return is requested

didn't produce a result a court application could be made on Monday.


Amanda,

Sorry, I meant I didn't have a vested interest in alternative dispute resolution, family counselling or family therapy rather than implying you have a vested interest.

Thanks for the replies

However, other things to consider are that my x is a mobile hairdresser and works mainly in the evenings. D will then be put with relatives if not with me on allocated days. During the day d is put in a local nursery and i have usualy picked her up and dropped her off, again without any problems.
Financial settlement as not been agreed because x refuses to co-operate and does not not want any contact with myself.

Just an update.

I have tried phoning and texting through the weekend but x refuses to let me have contact or allow me to talk to her saying she doesn't want to and the problem is at my end.

Last words over the phone I overheard my daughter say " is that my real daddy"

Interpret it how you like?