Had a visit from the Social Worker (both kids have autism). Asked what i needed, I said respite, and I will continue asking till someone listens. There is no one that can have the kids at all, proved that when I had to take them both in the ambulance with me when my mom had to be rushed to A&E. So she said that they would need to do a core assessment. my son had one about 3 years ago.

This is where my blood pressure and voice started to rise. She said, 'we will need to wrte to dad, and ask his views' i pointed out this is the dad that wont see his kids, wont pay a penny to support them. the dad that told the kids that he wanted to get a gun to kill mummy. He also told a friend last week that he has planned on killing me and the kids.But because he has parental responsibility he has to be informed of the core assessment. So he will also get to say what the hell he wants and gets a copy of the final core assessment.

I said that I wont trust s/s and wont open up as I dont want him having an info on me that he could use against me.

I am so flipping mad, this man has ruined the kids lives yet he can still do damage to them with this assessment.

I am so fed up of the blasted system. How can a man who to me is now the sperm donor have any say or rights in the childrens life. When S/S saw him when he first moved out he refused permission for my son to be referred to CAMHS. child and adolescent mental health team Even though son was a mess. He has Autism, ADHD and oppositional defiant disorder.

Having 2 children with Autism is bad enough, without the added madness of the system. I feel so depressed and fed up and angry and all i want to do is cry. But I wont upset the kids even more.

By law he has been invited to meeting etc at both schools and hasnt shown up. Ignoged all CSA letters, now its at the default maintainance stage. Has not asked how kids are, i have sent photos of the kids, texted him when our daughter broke her arm and nothing. Was asked to see our son as he was upset and wanted to see him and he refused.

I know that there are some dads out there that want to be part of their kids lives, but how can someone that has damaged kids so much, still have rights.

He knows that I cant pay the nortgage anymore and that I will lose the kids home and he doesnt care. He is living it up, and going out clubbing and having a great life.

The authorities have a job to do, they always try to keep the door open for contact for your kids. One day he might change his life­style­ to include his children.

I would pay no attention whatsoever to their requests for his attendance or comments. Just make sure that you make all the right moves for yourself and your children. Life can be hard enough worrying about your own day-to-day responsibilities without adding your ex's to the list.

This situation must be so upsetting and frustrating for you. However, I would co-operate with social services and let them do the assessment. In my experience the assessment documentation doesn't say anything much that he could use against you. In any case, given his track record he is unlikely to engage with the reporting process, in which case they will complete the report without him. It is perfectly OK for you to say that you don't want him to be part of their interviews with you and the children. They will then attempt to make arrangements to interview him separately.

You can make it clear as part of the process that he has refused contact with the children and that you get no financial support from him, which will help your case for respite care. It will also be useful to you in the long term if the children tell the social workers about your husband's threats against you, though of course it is a bit hit and miss whether they will do, and you may not want them thinking about that now.

Good luck, and best wishes,

Sadie

Can you apply to Court for Parental Responsibility to be removed from your husband? I'm reasonably sure you can but am unsure of how bad ex has to be.