recently split from wife , have 2 boys 4 and 8 , im sleeping at mothers and ex does not want to tell kids about split for a year ? is this right wrong or just weird please advise
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This does seem weird, how does she think this is good for the childen, surely they will be more confused and upset. Has she given any reasons for this? Whose decision was it to split? does she maybe harbour thoughts you would get back together and so does not want to tell the kids for this reason?
JollyR
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This is not a good approach. Even the four year old will start asking questions long before the year is out. I assume that your ex is in denial. You need to negotiate with her how you tell the children, and tell them as soon as possible.
If she won't agree to tell them, then you may have to risk her wrath by taking matters into your own hands and talking to them yourself. Keeping them in supposed ignorance will just confuse them and make them think there is something shameful, rather than just sad, in a relationship ending.
Sadie
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My elder girl wanted to know why I didn't tell her the 'truth' earlier (we agreed to just say we weren't getting on for a while - as they don't need the nitty gritty) - as long as you reassure them that both mummy and daddy love them and that doesn't change, answer their questions as best you can.
I would try and get some agreement on telling them as you go along in a watered down version, it maybe more confusing if you are telling them different things.
The elder one esp will know more than you realise too.
Take care, its not an easy time.
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I was thinking about this and all the advice is to talk to your children together calmly and so they can understand things. Google - talking to kids about divorce - you will see lots of advice. Parentline is good too.
There are realte books about hleping children handle divorce and that helped me too.
they need to know that it is not their fault and cope as well as they can.
Talk to her again and see if she will explain why she does not want to do this. If you have some evidence (see above) this may help convince her that it is in the best interest of the kids to make them aware of whats happening in their lives, its not just about your marital relationship but their relationship as your children that count (probably more so now)
good luck Jo xx
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but it will be better for them to cope with if they are given simple facts.
