As a father who never abused his children but since separation has had a difficult time maintaining contact with them despite renting property in perfect locations for them etc I would like to add my perspective.

Children should not be supported in showing contempt for either parent. Often they mirror the feelings of one parent towards the other from a misplaced sense of loyalty. This is very damaging for the children. They need a healthy respectful relationship with both parents (provided there os no abuse, of course)

Yes Unic - I totally agree and as I have posted previously I take no pleasure in this. I actually feel totally let down by ex and have tried to give him every opportunity to do right by the kids.

I have been very careful in how I discuss him with the children and have never resorted to name calling or petty insults (unlike him). In fact because I have tried to maintain the "moral high ground" it has only emphasised his bad behaviour more clearly to the children.

Ultimately, the happiness and welfare of my children are paramount and they were the catalyst in me ending the relationship. I never want to be accused of turning them against him so try to be as neutral as possible. I am not the one actually feeling the anger - I have no wish to hurt ex - just for him to leave me alone.

I have a lot of support for Fathers and do not agree with screwing them for everything they have got like some women. Because of this I am avoiding divorcing ex for unreasonable behaviour (so kids don't suffer more anger) - I don't want his pension - I am doing a transfer of equity so I can carry on in the house with a huge mortgage (my Dad is having to come on with me but I will be paying everything). He is then free to buy his own place without the debts of the marriage around his neck (so kids have somewhere decent to go). I want £300 per month maintenance for kids and that is it! I have spent my life being reasonable and doing the right thing which is probably why I am in this situation now.

I still don't feel bitter. He has every chance to have a great relationship with those kids - his responsibility.

Sorry to sound defensive - I appreciate your comments and you are very much correct in what you say. Let the kids make up their own minds I say.

SadEyes

I think the moral high ground is a tough place to find in the mess and emotional wasteland of a divorce. It sounds like you are working hard to stay on it!!
All the best

Thank you