Most divorcing couples come to their own arrangements regarding children without involving the courts and 10% of single parents are fathers. Both parents have Parental Responsibilities and are seen as equal in the eyes of the law, but like the rest of society there are different attitudes in the legal profession, judiciary and the organisation which advises courts regarding children.

In fact the courts have a no order principle and will only impose an order if all other means of resolving disputes have failed an residency orders are fairly exceptional. What you need to remember is that there are potentially many years of parenting together and the disadvantage of going to court is that it tends to build up resistance and resentment. Collaborative law which does less damage to long term family relationships might be an option worth considering.

I wouldn't get too hung up about labels, the important thing is concentrate on practicalities and the time the child is to spend with each parent. The other thing is to agree a forum to deal with future disputes relating to children, such as mediation. It's a good idea to have a clause in the statement of arrangements that should there be differences of opinion you agree to try and resolve matters through mediation/counselling/collaborative law in the first instance.

When it comes to children "fear of loss is the path to the dark side" and counselling can really help with coming to terms with the emotional realities of family breakup.

Good luck.

Thanks Fiona. I just want what's best for our kid. I'm sure we both do, but have different opinions on what's right.

Maybe that's how we got here