Hi, We're just starting the divorce and I've kind of fingured that it's going to happen so start working out what to do.

From all my friend that have been divorced I get the feedback that the man will never get to look after the children.

Now we have one child, and from the the age of six months I took the role as main carer at home. My wife went back to work full time. I used to look after my son during the morning, take him to nursery and then work nights to get money in. Wife looked after him in evenings.

I then changed jobs so, I could drop him off during the day and pick him up in the evening.

Recently my wife has started to work late all the time and have an active social life, out 3 nights in 7 and generally home late during the week so she doesn't get to put our child to bed.

Now, don't get me wrong, she is a great a mum - it's just work commitments and social life take up alot of time. Even if she becomes the Main Carer I'll end up baby sitting, so I'll see our son.

But I've changed my life and work (with flexitime) so I can look after my son - does this count for anything?

Cheers,

Mike

I have a friend who acheived this he now has his son.
I saw his struggle and I could not have endured it.
He had to keep records on everything. Even recorded times he picked up son from school.Mother was alcoholic but this was given little attention by courts.
Sounds crazy but many things hinge on having the CB payment in your name.
Good luck

Whilst the courts do tend by default to assume that the wife is the main carer - from your circumstances I would say you have a VERY GOOD case to get Shared Residency.

This isn't quite being the main Parent With Care - but it does give you something close to equality.

As the last poster noted one complete 'quirk' of the system is that the holder of child benefit gets (not only the child benefit) but also the right to child support from the other party even when there is totally shared 50:50 care.

HI Downbutnotout is that really the case regarding child benefit, I am virtually on 50:50 share basis (6 out of 14 nights) but still pay maintenance and other things? All sounds a little bit unfair to be honest then again the whole situation is a little one sided at times

The issue of the CB book is problematic.
If you do not have this it will only be changed if you become main carer.
Try to get this before divorce by agreement. I am not the most knowledgable about this but I know it opens a lot of doors.
It is just assumed wife should get.

Thanks for the info. Hopefully, we'll get to sit down together tomorrow night, to talk things through before going to the Solicitors.

But this does raise another question - can the care of the child be agreed without the CSA or a Court order?

On the Statement of Arrangements my wife has just ticked the Court order box, probably under instruction.

The actual care of the child is usually agreed informally. When you look at the number of divorces, finances quite often ends up in court, whereas much fewer Child Residency cases end up in court.